Homemade Brownie Brittle

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Homemade Brownie Brittle

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. There is no shame in standing by your friends as they take a pregnancy test in the bathroom of a funeral home. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. 

2. If you have ever thought to yourself, "I wonder if there is a way I can procure a bag of weed AND a puppy at the same time?" there is.  And no, I do not have a puppy now.

3. Sometime when you eat way too many sprinkles they don't completely dissolve when you digest them. And the next morning after your coffee and constitutional you turn around and think, "OMG I am so gay my shit is rainbow colored!" 

This weekend I made homemade brownie brittle. With sprinkles. See #3 above. 

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HOMEMADE BROWNIE BRITTLE

RECIPE INSPIRED BY STORE BOUGHT BROWNIE BRITTLE

INGREDIENTS

1 Box Brownie Mix of choice

Egg and Oil as directed on box

Sprinkles

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Line baking sheet with aluminum foil and spray with baking spray. Set aside.

2. Prepare brownie batter as directed on box.

3. Using a spatula and working in small batches, spread out thin layer of brownie mix on prepared baking sheet. Decorate with sprinkles.

4. Bake on middle rack of preheated oven for 25-30 mins or until done.

5. Brittle will harden as it cools. Once cooled it can be broken into smaller pieces.

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FOR MORE ON MY SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS...

ONE OF THE BEST VIETNAMESE RESTAURANTS IN MINNESOTA

MY OBSESSION WITH CADBURY CREME EGGS RUNS DEEP 

TAXICAB CONFESSIONS IN THE SOUTH

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Peanut Butter Chocolate Banana Bread

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Girl Scout Peanut Butter Chocolate Banana Bread

This weekend I stepped out of my box and took a road trip with two friends, two strangers, and a cross dressing Scotsman. Which of course meant I had to make Peanut Butter Chocolate Banana Bread. A road trip necessity.  

With swimsuits in hand and sunscreen freshly applied we drove 5 hours even deeper into the south to watch a friend perform in drag for the sake of theatre. But before that poor sun burned Scotsman got on stage to open the eyes of Hilton Head's elite to the world of farce we made Hilton Head Island our bitch.   

Things I've Learned This Week Living In The South (Beach Edition):

1. A last minute road trip with your hairdresser can lead to some of the best seafood you've ever had in your short sea food eating life. The Hilton Head Island Seafood Festival proved to be the best $29 spent in a long ass time. Why was everyone keeping the beauty of the Oyster Shooter from me all these years?

2. The South is home to some very friendly people. As seen by the community of women at the food festival who rallied together to share what few unused napkins they had to make sure all women in line had toilet paper as there was none left in the shitter.  

3. When told that the person getting in the car with you once crapped himself wearing an adult dinosaur onsie, don't judge. He may be the only other "Ben" you'll meet that is worthy of the name. And as he played soccer on the beach in a newly purchased shark onsie, his girlfriend looked on with what I feel was a mix of lust and love. We all need a partner who can can admire us in our onsies.  

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PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE BANANA BREAD

RECIPE ADAPTED FROM THE GOURMET COOKBOOK (2004 ed)

INGREDIENTS:

2 1/4 Cups All Purpose Flour

3/4 t Baking Powder

1/2 t Baking Soda

1 t Salt

1 1/2 sticks Unsalted Butter, room temp

1 Cup Dark Brown Sugar

1/2 Cup Granulated Sugar

3 Large Eggs

1 1/2 t Vanilla Extract

1 1/3 Cups Mashed Ripe Banana

3 T Sour Cream

10 Girl Scout Peanut Butter Patties, roughly chopped

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. With rack in middle of oven, preheat to 350 degrees F. Butter and line with parchment two 8 1/2 by 4 1/2 inch loaf pans and dust with flour, knocking out extra.

2. Sift together flour, baking soda, and baking powder. Set aside. Beat together salt, butter, and sugars in large bowl with electric mixer on high until pale and fluffy. Reduce to medium and add eggs, one at a time. Add vanilla, bananas, and sour cream. Reduce to low speed. Add in flour mixture and mix until just combined. Fold in chopped cookies using a rubber spatula.

3. Divide batter between prepared loaf pans and smooth tops. Bake until a wooden pick inserted into center comes out clean, 45-50 minutes.

4. Remove bread from pan and cool completely on wire rack.

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READ UP ON OTHER CAR BASED ADVENTURES I'VE TAKEN HERE!!!

SIBLING ROAD TRIP THROUGH CALIFORNIA

RUSTY GRISWOLD AND HOW I LOVE HIM

TRAVEL TRIPS WHEN TRAVELING WITH CHEESE

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Slow Cooker Beef Roast

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Seared Beef

In a matter of mere hours my Saturday went from pretty great. To not bad. To "Dear God. Get me out of here". To "Tom Hanks is a genius in The 'Burbs". 

Then I seared some meat. 

Things I've Experienced While Living In The South This week: 

1. Bridesmaids are the worst. Even at 1000 miles away they hold the power to ruin my whiskey and andouille po'boy buzz. Know that when our paths cross I will remember that. 

2. The same dog that played Precious in Silence of The Lambs starred as Queenie in The 'Burbs. Tom Hanks taught us that sometimes you don't need to know what's going on with your creepy neighbors. 

3. When single and grocery shopping, you can find yourself wondering how you came to own 9 lbs of beef and what the dating scene will be like should The End Times come and you are trapped in your kitchen where you have hoarded the now procured 9lbs of beef.  

Though it's just me at home and I would love to eat nothing but cold cereal breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I have from time to time the emotional need to actually make a real meal. While sadly knowing that 80% of it will die a slow death as leftovers longfully looking past my moobs as I graze on frozen chocolate chips naked in front of my fridge at 3am.  This week I attempt to make a variation of Betty Crocker's Slow Cooker Beef Roast with Onions and Potatoes. 

Slow Cooker Beef Roast with Onions and Potatoes

RECIPE BY BETTY CROCKER

SERVES 6

INGREDIENTS

1 large sweet onion, cut in half, then cut into thin slices

3-lb boneless beef bottom round roast

3 baking potatoes, cut into 1 1/2- to 2-inch cubes

2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1 3/4 cups Progresso™ beef flavored broth (from 32-oz carton)

1 package (1 oz) onion soup mix (from 2-oz box)

1/4 cup Gold Medal™ all-purpose flour

INSTRUCTIONS

1. In 5- to 6-quart slow cooker, place onion. If beef roast comes in netting or is tied, remove netting or strings. Place beef on onion. Place potatoes and garlic around beef. In small bowl, mix 1 1/4 cups of the broth and the dry soup mix; pour over beef. (Refrigerate remaining broth.)

2. Cover; cook on Low heat setting 9 to 10 hours.

3. Remove beef and vegetables from cooker; place on serving platter. Cover to keep warm.

4. In small bowl, mix remaining 1/2 cup broth and the flour; gradually stir into juices in cooker. Increase heat setting to High. Cover; cook about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally, until sauce has thickened. Serve sauce over beef and vegetables.

P.S. Please note that I chose to sear my meat before placing in the slow cooker. My meat ignorance doesn't know if this will alter the flavor or not. But I wanted to try. You can find a variety of searing methods online.

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WANT MORE FUN WITH MEAT? CHECK OUT THESE LINKS BELOW!

MEAT, SCHLONG, AND COLD(ISH) WEATHER or HOW TO MAKE A MEATLOAF

SWEET JUICY COW MEAT

HAIRY HANDS, MEATBALLS, AND A PRIDEFUL CAKE

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Martha Washington's Shrewsbury Cakes

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Shrewsbury Cakes

Having survived yet another week in the cube farm I opted to spend my Friday and Saturday evenings being social. This has lead to a very screwed up sleep cycle.

Things That Have Happened Due To My Messed Up REM:

1. While walking home one morning at 130am I was mildly shocked to have a golf cart whiz by at a good speed on main street with two young women in the back seat yelling, “Oh heeeeey Benjamin.” I have no idea who they were.

2. It is quite possible that a group of young adults and one senior citizen had a conversation over brunch about sharting. Yes, sharting. It was determined by the group as a whole that if one sharts alone it is rather embarrassing. However, if one sharts in the presence of a loved one, say a boyfriend or girlfriend, the shart is to be deemed hilarious.

3. While downing beers, watching football, and eating what I feel to be the saddest BBQ pulled chicken sandwich ever I was pleased to learn that my own inquiry of “presidential cookies” on Google returned with a list of the favored cookies by all previous FLOTUS (or is is FLOTI because it’s plural?).

HIllary had her Clinton Chip’s. Barbara had her Cowboy Cookies. Mary Todd had her Sugar Cookies. Eleanor, her Honey Drops. And now Melania with her Sour Cream Sugar Cookies in the shape of stars. Let’s just assume that last recipe was handed down from the Old Country. 

However, this week we are going back to the OG FLOTUS herself, Martha Washington. Known around the swamp and Lady Washington, Miss Martha was quite the hostess. And among her arsenal of revolutionary treats were the delicious Shrewsbury Cakes shown above. 

More of a biscuit than cookie (or cake as it is named), this cookie was perfected in a time when sugar was not readily available. The Shrewsbury Cake is pretty tasty and I feel would hold up well when smuggled across the Potomac in the dead of night. Or eaten raw while horizontal on your sofa praying the next fart is simply just that and nothing more. 

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Shrewsbury Cakes

RECIPE FROM MARTHA WASHINGTON

INGREDIENTS

1/2 cup soft butter (one stick)

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 egg beaten

2 tablespoons milk

2 1/2 cups sifted cake flour

1 cup dried fruit (cherries, apricots, or currants), chopped

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Cream butter with sugar, then add vanilla, salt, egg, and milk. Blend well. Add flour. Mix in dried fruit.

3. Chill dough for about one hour.

4. Use a small cookie scoop to form small rounds. Place the rounds on a greased cookie sheet and bake for about 12 minutes.

5. Cool on a rack. Recipe yields three dozen cakes.

P.S. Seeing that the dough was a little stiff I opted to go the old fashioned route of flattening the dough with the back of a recently used lowball glass. Then rolled them in disco sugar for some FLOTUS Fun.

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FOR MORE COOKIE BASED FUN CHECK OUT THESE POSTS FROM MY PAST!

SMACK, TOFFEE COOKIES, AND THE (DIA)BETES

THE DAMN MONTH OF PUMPKIN

DARK BROWN SUGAR COOKIES

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Ranch Eggs

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Ranch Eggs

Well Hell froze over. And with it North Carolina.

Did your Friday night involve the entire infrastructure of your town shutting down due to some precipitation? Maybe.

Did your Friday night involve a massive plate of pad see ew, a comped bottle of wine, a mildly uncomfortable discussion with a stranger about the now shuttered clothing store Structure, and this same stranger’s orgies that he participated in during the late 80s? Probably not.

Did your Friday night involve your two bartenders abandoning ship to take a bright blue sled down the middle of a snow filled main street while the local news aired it live? I doubt it.

Did your Friday night involve an impromptu, live on Facebook, snowball to the nads? Unlikely.

Did your Friday night involve watching a grown ass woman create a parking lot snow angel in 1” of snow with the excitement of a toddler who just discovered that farting is funny? I'm thinking no.

Did your Friday night involve some midnight racing of remote control trucks in a snow covered parking lot? I don’t think so.

It's okay. I'm sure your Friday night was fun too.

In all seriousness last night was off my plan de jour to make January a “cleanse” month. Not cleanse in the classic sense. Just cleanse in that I'm not binge eating homemade peanut butter balls while waiting for the lasagna to warm.

With an attempt at some clean eating I enlisted the help of my fellow blogger and Netflix aficionado, Steph Ondrusek over at Strong By Steph. Take a moment out of your current binge and check her out.

Steph recently blessed us with a simple guide to some healthy and tasteful food options to start the year out. Below is a slight variation of her Mexican Breakfast. Easily altered to make your own so mix it up! This easy meal is still fulfilling that guilt seeking pleasure we all promised to give up New Years Eve.

Happy Snowpocalypse.

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Ranch Eggs

RECIPE INSPIRED BY STRONG BY STEPH

ingredients

2 Large Eggs

2 t Butter

1 Tortilla (your choice of flour or corn)

1/2 C Black Beans; drained and rinsed

1/2 C Tomatoes; diced

1/2 Ripe Avocado; peeled and sliced

2 T Cotija Cheese (or pre shredded cheese of choice)

1 T Green Onion (green part only); chopped (optional)

instructions

1. Move oven rack to top position and turn oven broiler on high to preheat.

2. Place tortilla on baking sheet and warm under broil until slightly browned around the edges. Depending on your oven this could happen quickly. So keep an eye on it.

3. Remove from oven and place on heat safe surface. Being careful not to burn yourself. Place the black bean and cheese on top of the tortilla. Place back in oven for 1-2 minutes or until the cheese has melted. Remove from oven and place on heat safe surface while you prepare the fried eggs.

4. Heat 2 teaspoons butter in nonstick skillet over medium high heat until hot. Break eggs and slip into pan, one by one. Immediately reduce heat to low. Cook slowly until whites are completely set and yolks begin to thicken but are not set. Remove from pan and place directly on top of beans and cheese.

5. Garnish with tomatoes, avocados, and green onion.

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FOR MORE WINTER FUN AND FOOD CHECK OUT THESE PAST POSTS!

TOMATOES, TOASTED CHEESE, AND TOTAL STRANGERS

HEATBOX, HAIRY HIPSTERS, AND HOLIDAY HAPPENINGS

CSI, SCURVY, AND SQUARE PIZZA

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