Tomato Sandwich

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Tomato Sandwich

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. If you find yourself in a cab with no way to pay the fare, you can pay with a pair of panties. And it's not dirty if you make the driver turn his head and not watch you take them off. Just leave them in door with the gum wrappers.  

2. Tomatoes are held in high regard here. Like false god status. I wish I were kidding but I am not. With tomato season comes tomato sandwiches, which I at first scoffed at, but have now had three in two days. 

3. Tomato sandwiches are best eaten with Bunny or Merita White Bread (think Wonder Bread but 1000 times better), Duke's Mayonnaise, and a garden fresh tomato. Salt and pepper to taste.  

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NEED MORE SOUTHERN BINGE EATING FUN? CHECK OUT ME RELATIONSHIP WITH BREAD PUDDING HERE

HERE IS THE BEST RECIPE FOR TOMATO SOUP EVER. I'M NOT LYING TO YOU.

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Braised Okra

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Braised Okra

There are few things that one seems to skirt around when living in The South. Race, religions other than anything Christian based, and select foods. Namely okra. People either love them or hate them. 

I personally love them. Fried. Sauteed. Charred. They are all good to me. Hands down fried is the best though. Let's be real. It's really a superfood in my eyes. Loaded with potassium, fiber, vitamin C, and calcium it's really the best thing you can possibly fry up. 

When poorly done, Okra can become slimy. Which is the largest thing it has going against it. And the one thing you always hear from okra's opponents. Nothing slimy in life is good.

So this week when okra showed up in my CSA I was rather pleased. Now my challenge was 1. how little I received and 2. how can make this healthy and tasty while wanting nothing more than to slice, bread, and fry the shit out of it. 

Naturally with one quick sesh with The Google I was able to find a recipe that looked like it could get me through the next round of Men's Gymnastics at Rio 2016.

BRAISED OKRA

RECIPE BY PETER G AT SOUVLAKIFORTHESOUL  

INGREDIENTS

500 grams fresh okra

2 T red wine vinegar

1/2 C olive oil

1 onion finely chopped

500 grams fresh pureed tomatoes or 1 can of pureed tomatoes

a handful of chopped, fresh, flat leaf parsley

salt and pepper to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Wash the okra and proceed to trim the pointy ends off.

2. Sprinkle with red wine vinegar and let them stand for one hour in a bowl. (once the hour has passed rinse them in cold water and drain)

3. Heat the oil in a heavy bottomed sauce pan and saute the onion over a low heat until it softens.

4. Add the okra and toss in the olive oil/onion mixture for about 5 mins.

5. Add the tomatoes, parsley and season to taste.

6. Bring the mixture to a boil on med/high heat and then allow to simmer for approximately 20-30 mins on a low/med heat.

7. Once the okra is tender serve immediately with crusty bread.

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WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT MY CSA ISSUES? CHECK IT OUT HERE

REMEMBER THAT TIME I CRASHED A BABY SHOWER WITH CUPCAKES? HERE'S THE REFRESHER

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Yes and Yes Book Club: Jane Eyre

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Caraway Seed Cake

Well kids this month I fess up that I just couldn't finish a book for book club. But I did finish the cake that I made for book club. Priorities ya know.  

This month I was challenged to read Jane Eyre over at Yes and Yes - check it out HERE. I have read many things in my life but I had somehow managed to miss this classic. So head on over to Yes and Yes and see what I thought of what little I read...and what more I watched on Netflix.  

Also get the recipe for Caraway Seed Cake. Trust me when I say you can eat this in the middle of the night with a swath of butter. 

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For more book club shenanigans check these out!

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

Binge by Tyler Oakley

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson

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Apple Butter

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Apple Butter

Wouldn't it be great if there was a chill in the air, the leaves were just at the peak of turning those shades of yellow and orange that send your mind to fuzzy distant memories, and you had large pot of apple butter simmering on the stove top? 

Instead it's hotter than hell, there's inner thigh chafing, Winona Ryder has made a triumphant return from her days at Saks Fifth Avenue looking fabulous in crazed mother chic, and I have a large pot of apple butter simmering on the stove top causing my beard to frizz and my glasses to steam over. 

Harvest season is upon us folks! Get your Ball Jars and canning tools out because it's time to sweat like you've just walked up the escalators trying to look like you're in a rush. The vegetables and fruit are coming in from the fields hand over fist and you need to keep up! My poor ice box is nearing maximum capacity with frozen berries and my cabinets are stocked full of pickles. My winter larder is going to be phat.  

As I mentioned above I am busy boiling down my apples and caramelizing my sugars with my jars sterilized and at the ready. Soon I will be nestled in corner of the sofa, Murder She Wrote on a loop, and sweat apple butter staining whatever ensemble I have chosen for that day's Netflix binge. 

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APPLE BUTTER

RECIPE FROM GOURMET COOKBOOK 2004 EDITION

INGREDIENTS

4 tart flavored apples, such as Mcintosh, peeled, cored, and cut into 8 wedges each

1 1/2 cups unfiltered apple cider

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground allspice

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT: four 1/2 pint canning jars with lids and screw bands; a wide 5 to 6 quart heavy pot at least 9 1/2 inches in diameter; a food mill fitted with a fine disk

INSTRUCTIONS

Sterilize jars and lids and wash screw bands.

Chill two small plates for testing butter. Combine all ingredients in pot, cover, and bring to a boil over moderate heat, then reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until apples are tender, about 15 minutes.

Puree mixture in food mill set over a large bowl, then return puree to pot. Simmer over moderately low heat, stirring and scraping bottom of pan frequently (stir constantly and adjust heat toward end of cooking to prevent scorching), until butter is very thick and tests done, 1 1/4 to 1 3/4 hours. Begin testing for doneness at 1 1/4 hours; remove pot from heat while testing. Drop a spoonful of apples butter onto a chilled plate and refrigerate for 1 minute, then tilt plate; butter should remain in a mound and not run.

Drain jars upside down on a clean kitchen towel for 1 minute, then invert. Ladle apple butter into jars leaving 1/4 inch space at top. Run a thin knife between apple butter and sides of jars to eliminate air bubbles.

Sea, process, and cool filled jars. (see "process" guidelines below)

Let apple butter stand for a least 1 day to allow flavors to develop.

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Check out the USDA Canning Guidelines HERE

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For more canning fun check out this post on PICKLED STRAWBERRIES! Click here!

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BATTENBERG CAKE

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Battenberg Cake

Things that happened this weekend, the Fourth of July, 2016: 

1. I got a haircut while drinking a canned white wine spritzer.

2. I "played" my first game of strip poker with a Hair Stylist, a Brewmaster, a Lesbian, and an Executive Chef. Thankfully my days at J Crew taught me well and I was well layered even on a 90+ degree day. 

3. I attended a Miss Gay North Carolina prelim. It was Drop Dead Gorgeous meets Priscilla Queen of the Desert. One queen had a broken arm. Sadly she didn't win. 

4. At a pool party I watched a fully grown British Man with a tramp stamp do a medley of Tina Turner hits while wearing a soaking wet fedora and holding a Chambong (a champagne flute fitted like a beer bong). Look it up. You won't be sorry. 

And it was this same British Man with a tramp stamp that got me into the kitchen this past week. Some time ago at a random meeting in my small Southern city his request for a Battenberg Cake was made. Given that his girlfriend is in charge of my current hair management system (aka helping me embrace my follicle shortcomings) I thought it best to see what I could do. 

With our Independence Day approaching I thought no better time to make this classic British dessert. I figured the poor man not only has a tramp stamp (for an honorable famille reason so we really do appreciate it) but here he was in a country that, over 200 years ago, put his country in a corner, like Baby.  

CHECK OUT THIS OLDY BUT GOODY ABOUT MY COOKBOOK DESIRES, CEMETERY SHENANIGANS, AND FORMER 4th OF JULY FUN

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BATTENBERG CAKE

RECIPE INSPIRED BY BBC FOODS

INGREDIENTS

For The Cake:

6 oz softened butter, plus extra for greasing

6 oz granulated sugar

3 large eggs

6 oz all purpose flour

1 1/4 tsp baking powder

1/8 tsp kosher salt

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

red food coloring

For The Covering:

6 Tbsp apricot jam

1 lb 2 oz Marzipan

2-3 Tbsp powdered sugar, for rolling

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 375F.

2. Grease an 8" square baking dish with butter.

3. Take a 12"x8" strip of parchment paper and make a 3" fold in the center. This will work as a divider in the cake so the two differently colored batters can be baked at the same time.

4. Line the baking dish with parchment, keeping the divider in the center.

5. Put the butter, eggs, flour, baking powder, salt, and vanilla in a food processor and pulse until well combined.

6. Divide the batter equally between two medium mixing bowls.

7. Add a small drop of red food coloring to one bowl and fold into the batter until desired color is obtained.

8. Spoon the cake batters into each side of the prepared baking dish and smooth the surface of the batter with a spatula.

9. Bake in the center of of the oven about 25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Allow to cool for 10 minutes. Then run a knife around the edge and turn cake out onto wire rack.

10. To assemble cake, trim off crusty edges so they are both the same size. Then cut the sponges in half lengthwise to make four long rectangles.

11. Warm the apricot jam in small saucepan, then press through a sieve.

12. Brush the long side of one of the cakes with jam and sandwich together with a contrasting colored cake. Repeat this with the other two cakes. Sandwich the two pairs of cakes together to create a checkerboard and brush the top and sides with jam.

13. Place the marzipan on a surface dusted with powdered sugar. Roll out into a rectangle about 16"x10". It should be large enough to cover cake completely, leaving both ends exposed. Marzipan should be about 1/4" thick.

14. Turn the cake upside down on the marzipan and brush the bottom with jam.

15. Wrap the marzipan around the cake, pressing it on the surface of the cake. Press the edges together to make a seam.

16. Turn back over the cake with the seam underneath, trim a thin slice off each end and place on serving platter.

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