Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding

View fullsize

It's Sunday morning in November. I'm in my underwear watching Hello Dolly on Netflix for the 1000th time since my 8th grade choir teacher gave me my first hit of broadway musical based movies (the gateway drug for so many young gay men), and binge eating a Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding I whipped up because one does not waste a donut. Plus once the donut is used in a capacity other than traditional donut consumption it becomes a legit meal. So eating 10 donuts in one sitting isn't bad because you really just ate a big meal. 

I had a very productive Saturday so this moment of Sunday Self Care doesn't riddle me with guilt. 

Yesterday I found myself traversing the North Carolina country side with two neighbors. First hitting a craft fair that was small at best but large enough the local sheriff had been commissioned to direct traffic in and out of the field turned parking lot. Naturally we ran into someone we know while perusing the monogramed coozies and holiday wreaths made of shell casings. Yes, you heard me. Shell casings. The more you know. 

We then found ourselves attempting to get a meal in a town housing the self proclaimed "World's Largest Chair". Oddly no establishments were taking credit or debit cards. Again you heard me, "establishments", plural. Multiple places were tried. So we move on back to our debit/credit accepting home of Winston-Salem.

WHERE WE HAD OUR TAROT CARDS READ!!!

For two years the neighbors and I have been threatening to get our cards read by the local readers down on main street. And yesterday was the day. 

In the back room of a crystal and incense laden boutique, behind a curtain and on a gold velvet settee we found ourselves listening intently as Cat, our reader de jour, gave insight to our spiritual sides. 

Not shockingly she had to stop mid reading of my cards because my hot mess of a life left conflicting messages within her cards. Thankfully she rallied, composed herself, and sent me on the way with direction for the future. 

Who needs a shrink when you have Cat?

Back to bread pudding and Babs.

Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding

Serves 10-12

ingredients

2 Tablespoons Butter; Room Temperature, for baking dish

10 Classic Krispy Kreme Donuts; after having sat out overnight

3 Cups Half-and-Half

4 Large Eggs

1/2 Cup Sugar

1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1/4 Teaspoon Kosher Salt

instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare glass baking dish by coating bottom and sides with butter.

2. Cut all donuts into 1-inch pieces and place in prepared baking dish. Set aside.

3. In medium mixing bowl combine Half-and-Half, eggs, sugar, vanilla extract, and salt. Stir until well combined and sugar has dissolved.

4. Carefully pour liquid mixture over cut up donuts.

5. Place baking dish in larger baking dish and add enough boiling water to reach halfway up side of smaller baking dish. Bake until custard is set 2 to 3 inches from edge but still trembles in the middle, about 50-55 minutes. Custard will continue to set as it cools. Best served warm. But also just as delicious, cold, directly out of the baking dish while binging on Netflix.

---

FOR MORE SOUTHERN AND BREAKFAST SHENANIGANS CHECK THESE OUT!

SUPPER SLUTS DOES BRUNCH

PUPPY CHOW AND SOUTHERN LIVING

FRIED SWEET GRITS AND CUSSING

---

---

Pioneer Vinegar Pie

View fullsize

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. While casually dining with a local friend, her mother, and her aunt. You have to ask for clarification when you overhear "Your great Uncle Gus haunts that house to this day. You know the house that was in The Color Purple movie. Shame they couldn't get him to the hospital any faster after that rabid dog bit him."  

2. After hearing of Uncle Gus and his tribulations you are even less shocked to learn that one of your neighbors who you thought was a gentile septuagenarian, was in fact part of the story behind the film American Gangster. Cue the shame filled Wikipedia midnight searching. 

3. If you have to take the time to ponder if wearing your nap jeans to a social event is okay it might just be a Netflix and Chillurbate kind of night. 

So after binging on Netflix I decided that in the spirit of still taking recipes for Thanksgiving on test drives I would challenge myself to make a dessert with only ingredients I had in the house. And if you've been to my house as of late you know all I eat are apples, eggs, and La Croix. 

Having just run out of apples I was forced to do some internet digging and found this gem of a recipe from my dear friend Martha. It's as vintage as my taste in 80's tv shows. 

---

Pioneer Vinegar Pie

RECIPE FROM MARTHA STEWART

INGREDIENTS

2 T all-purpose flour, plus more for surface

2 T unsalted butter

1/2 cup light-brown sugar

1/2 t ground cinnamon

1/2 t ground ginger

1/6 t freshly grated nutmeg

1/4 t salt

2 t cider vinegar

1 cup plus 1 teaspoon water, divided

3 large eggs, divided

1 t turbinado sugar or sanding sugar

Vanilla ice cream, for serving

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Roll out 1 disk of dough (SEE RECIPE BELOW) into a 12-inch round on a lightly floured surface. Fit into a 9-inch pie plate, and trim edge of dough to rim. Roll out remaining disk of dough to a 12-inch round. Transfer to a parchment-lined baking sheet, and refrigerate, along with dough in pie plate, until firm, about 1 hour.

2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Melt butter in a bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water; remove from heat. Whisk in brown sugar, flour, spices, salt, vinegar, and 1 cup water. Lightly beat 2 eggs, and whisk into mixture. Return bowl to pan of simmering water, and cook, stirring often, until mixture is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon, 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from heat, and let cool to room temperature, about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

3. Pour filling into crust, and place top crust over filling. Trim excess, leaving a 1/2-inch overhang. Fold under bottom crust. Press to seal, and crimp as desired. Beat remaining egg with remaining teaspoon water; brush top of pie with egg wash, and sprinkle with turbinado sugar. Use a sharp knife to slash 6 vents radiating out from center of pie. Bake pie until golden and surface has puffed, about 45 minutes. Let cool on a wire rack 45 minutes. Serve slightly warm with ice cream.

---

Foolproof Pie Dough

RECIPE FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES

INGREDIENTS

2 ½ cups unbleached all-purpose flour (12 1/2 ounces)

1 t table salt

2 T sugar

12 T cold unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks), cut into 1/4" slices

½ cup chilled solid vegetable shortening, cut into 4 pieces

¼ cup vodka, cold

¼ cup cold water

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Process 1 1/2 cups flour, salt, and sugar in food processor until combined, about 2 one-second pulses. Add butter and shortening and process until homogeneous dough just starts to collect in uneven clumps, about 15 seconds (dough will resemble cottage-cheese curds, and there should be no uncoated flour). Scrape bowl with rubber spatula and redistribute dough evenly around processor blade. Add remaining cup flour and pulse until mixture is evenly distributed around bowl and mass of dough has been broken up, 4 to 6 quick pulses. Empty mixture into medium bowl.

2. Sprinkle vodka and water over mixture. With rubber spatula, use folding motion to mix, pressing down on dough until dough is slightly tacky and sticks together. Divide dough into two even balls and flatten each into 4-inch disk. Wrap each in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 45 minutes or up to 2 days.

---

---

FOR MORE THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE LIVING IN THE SOUTH CLICK HERE!

OR HERE

---

Salted Caramel Ricotta Pancakes

View fullsize

Salted Caramel Ricotta Pancakes

It was a busy week down here in The South. The factory was abuzz all week long with socks flying everywhere. The town was bustling with Pride and homecoming this weekend. And naturally my mind turned to Thanksgiving.

As the Queer community and its allies descended upon our tiny town I hunkered down with friends to watch the parade while sipping mimosas out of well worn insurance themed coffee mugs. There was a heated game of spoons happening. Where you throw a spoon into the street and drink every time a car hits it. Shots were taken whenever a car with a Drag Queen hit a spoon. And there was a revealing moment when I realized my back up back up back up hairdresser was once on tv's Survivor. She later proved her alliance to me as she put some fellow gays in their place after they felt it was okay to talk shit about my hometown, despite my just stating where I was from. 

I am sure you are wondering how Thanksgiving comes into play. Well as it should happen I packed my man handbag for the day with all possible outcomes considered. The contents were as follows: 

1. One bottle of Trader Joe's Blanc de Blancs

2. One box of water crackers. You never know when you need a snack. 

3. Two apples

4. My passport

5. Floss (in case of apple consumption)

6. Two cans of La Croix to stay hydrated

7. Food and Wine November 2016 edition (in case the parade got boring...it didn't)

During the slow moments of the parade I started making lists of potential foods to serve for Thanksgiving this year. As I will be dining alone on this most sacred of food holidays I have had to alter my menu so as to not drown in a sea of left overs. With the holiday still over a month away I have the opportunity to test a few recipes before letting them get to the final elimination round. 

This year I have also decided to include a Black Friday Breakfast. I will not be at the malls, but I will be in my nap jeans having a nice breakfast watching the fools on tv at the malls. This talk of breakfast had started earlier in the week while having a chat with another food enabler friend of mine. He posited the idea of using our favorite coffee creamer in a waffle or french toast. 

Not having a waffle maker or bread in the house, but having a large container of ricotta cheese I landed on Salted Caramel Ricotta Pancakes. Needless to say I am bloated and full on some damn tasty pancakes while hoping those Drag Queens from yesterday knew we were cheering for them as well as the spoons.  

---

Salted Caramel Ricotta Pancakes

RECIPE INSPIRED BY THE KITCHN (WITH SOME CHANGES BY ME)

ingredients

1 cup ricotta cheese

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1 1/2 tablespoons granulated sugar

1/4 teaspoon fine salt

3/4 cup Salted Caramel Flavored All Natural Coffee Creamer

2 large eggs, separated

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Butter, for cooking

instructions

Whisk together in medium bowl dry ingredients of flour, baking powder, sugar and salt. Set aside.

In larger bowl mix together ricotta, creamer, egg yolks, and vanilla. Combine with dry ingredients and stir together until incorporated.

Using a hand mixer or your own brute strength whip egg whites until stiff peaks form in separate bowl.

Stir in roughly 1/3 cup of whipped egg whites into pancake batter to loosen it up.

Gently fold in remaining egg whites with rubber spatula until no streaks of egg whites remain.

Melt a small amount of butter on a griddle preheated over medium-high heat. Using a 1/3 cup measuring cup pour pancake batter onto the hot griddle. Cook pancake roughly 3 minutes or until bubbles start to pop on top. Flip pancake and continue to cook until golden brown, roughly another 2-3 minutes.

Repeat with remaining pancake batter.

Serve with desired toppings. Suggestions include but are not limited to, maple syrup, powdered sugar, caramel drizzle with whipped cream. Or just straight out of the freezer at 3 am while contemplating life's choices.

---

---

FOR MORE SOUTHERN BREAKFAST FUN CHECK OUT THIS RECIPE FOR SWEET GRIT CAKES

---

Chocolate Trifle

View fullsize

Chocolate Trifle

Feel free to shame me.

It has been well over a month since my last update to you my devoted fans (hi mom).  I can honestly say that I have been busy. I hosted an engagement party. I took a short and sweet trip back to the homeland. I have entered a polyamorous relationship with Netflix, Amazon Prime, and HBO Go. The nights are cold but if I learned anything from Big Love, it's that my night of the week will come. And when I does I plan to sleep as little as possible. 

Who are we kidding. When my night comes it will be in and out with a snack in under 20 mins. Sleep is oh so important. 

As I mentioned above I hosted an engagement party. And as I am not one to toss out a party sub for even the most casual of soirees I naturally crowdsourced my menu planning. Over multiple phone calls and text conversations my former work wife and I settled upon a buffet fit for the reddest of necks and the most finicky of bottoms. 

Starters were simple trays of cured meats, hard cheeses and Bud Light. 

Main course consisted of the ancient but classic Silver Palate's Chicken Marbella (find the recipe here), varied seasonal roasted vegetables, a bitter greens salad with sliced peaches, and variety of stone fruits with ricotta and honey. And canned Barefoot Refresh Wine Spritzers (with no promotional ties at all).

The ricotta scared people. Trust me I know when you find grainy white stuff coming towards your mouth you should be suspicious. But ricotta is always welcome.    

Dessert was the easy part. As this party was all about the lovely couple I made a cake I had been craving for months. Chocolate on Chocolate. And the North Carolina classic Hummingbird Cake. The compliments were appreciated. And though I wanted to hobble the hands of a few guests who imbibed and felt it was kosher to just drag their fingers across the cake plate when 'nobody was looking' I was very pleased to see no leftovers. Just know that all bakers have eyes in the backs of their heads. And we can spot a finger dredge at 50 paces.  

As I mentioned above I made a Chocolate on Chocolate cake due to some peri-MANopausal cravings. And with most cakes I make I had shaved off the cake tops. It's the Jew in me. Always looking to trim a little off. Well those tops ended up in my freezer. And those frozen tops ended up being made into a poor man's trifle of crumbled cake and almond buttercream frosting. 

All in preparation for a naked 3AM snack that makes all my worries go away. Until 3:05AM.  

Chocolate Cake 

RECIPE INSPIRED BY COOK'S ILLUSTRATED

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 cups All Purpose Flour

1 cup Granulated Sugar

1/2 t Baking Soda

1/4 t Kosher Salt

1/2 cup Cocoa Powder

1/3 cup Milk Chocolate Chips

1 cup Fresh Black Coffee

2/3 c Mayonnaise

1 Egg

2 t Vanilla Extract

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Adjust oven rack to middle position and preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare an 8" square baking dish with pan spray and set aside.

2. In large bowl whisk together flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.

3. In a separate large bowl layer in chocolate chip and and cocoa powder. Slowly pour freshly brewed hot coffee over the chocolates and allow to sit for 10 mins. After time has passed using fork or whisk, stir together until smooth.

4. Slowly pour coffee/chocolate mixture into the dry ingredients in large bowl. Stir until well incorporated. Mixture will be stiff and grainy.

5. Add mayonnaise, egg and vanilla extract to cake batter. Stir until all white of mayonnaise has disappeared and batter is smooth.

6. Pour batter into prepared baking dish and place in oven. Bake until skewer comes out clean. About 30-35 minutes. Allow to cool completely in pan until frosting.

---

---

Braised Okra

View fullsize

Braised Okra

There are few things that one seems to skirt around when living in The South. Race, religions other than anything Christian based, and select foods. Namely okra. People either love them or hate them. 

I personally love them. Fried. Sauteed. Charred. They are all good to me. Hands down fried is the best though. Let's be real. It's really a superfood in my eyes. Loaded with potassium, fiber, vitamin C, and calcium it's really the best thing you can possibly fry up. 

When poorly done, Okra can become slimy. Which is the largest thing it has going against it. And the one thing you always hear from okra's opponents. Nothing slimy in life is good.

So this week when okra showed up in my CSA I was rather pleased. Now my challenge was 1. how little I received and 2. how can make this healthy and tasty while wanting nothing more than to slice, bread, and fry the shit out of it. 

Naturally with one quick sesh with The Google I was able to find a recipe that looked like it could get me through the next round of Men's Gymnastics at Rio 2016.

BRAISED OKRA

RECIPE BY PETER G AT SOUVLAKIFORTHESOUL  

INGREDIENTS

500 grams fresh okra

2 T red wine vinegar

1/2 C olive oil

1 onion finely chopped

500 grams fresh pureed tomatoes or 1 can of pureed tomatoes

a handful of chopped, fresh, flat leaf parsley

salt and pepper to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Wash the okra and proceed to trim the pointy ends off.

2. Sprinkle with red wine vinegar and let them stand for one hour in a bowl. (once the hour has passed rinse them in cold water and drain)

3. Heat the oil in a heavy bottomed sauce pan and saute the onion over a low heat until it softens.

4. Add the okra and toss in the olive oil/onion mixture for about 5 mins.

5. Add the tomatoes, parsley and season to taste.

6. Bring the mixture to a boil on med/high heat and then allow to simmer for approximately 20-30 mins on a low/med heat.

7. Once the okra is tender serve immediately with crusty bread.

---

WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT MY CSA ISSUES? CHECK IT OUT HERE

REMEMBER THAT TIME I CRASHED A BABY SHOWER WITH CUPCAKES? HERE'S THE REFRESHER

---

---