Apple Butter

Apple Butter

Wouldn't it be great if there was a chill in the air, the leaves were just at the peak of turning those shades of yellow and orange that send your mind to fuzzy distant memories, and you had large pot of apple butter simmering on the stove top? 

Instead it's hotter than hell, there's inner thigh chafing, Winona Ryder has made a triumphant return from her days at Saks Fifth Avenue looking fabulous in crazed mother chic, and I have a large pot of apple butter simmering on the stove top causing my beard to frizz and my glasses to steam over. 

Harvest season is upon us folks! Get your Ball Jars and canning tools out because it's time to sweat like you've just walked up the escalators trying to look like you're in a rush. The vegetables and fruit are coming in from the fields hand over fist and you need to keep up! My poor ice box is nearing maximum capacity with frozen berries and my cabinets are stocked full of pickles. My winter larder is going to be phat.  

As I mentioned above I am busy boiling down my apples and caramelizing my sugars with my jars sterilized and at the ready. Soon I will be nestled in corner of the sofa, Murder She Wrote on a loop, and sweat apple butter staining whatever ensemble I have chosen for that day's Netflix binge. 


APPLE BUTTER

RECIPE FROM GOURMET COOKBOOK 2004 EDITION


Check out the USDA Canning Guidelines HERE


For more canning fun check out this post on PICKLED STRAWBERRIES! Click here!



Bread and Butter Pickles

Bread and Butter Pickles

Well it's Pride Season. As parades, tank tops, and glitter rain down on our nation's streets this weekend my mind naturally turns to pickles.

Over time I have gone through many pickle phases. When I was younger all I wanted was regular sized dill pickles. There was a time in my life that only large pickles would do. You know the kind that are usually found in deli's or bars. Then for a short period of time I thought I wanted quantity with an edgy quality. So it was spears all the way. 

In my most recent incarnation I have been hooked on Bread and Butter. Country style. Thick with a bite but sweet when you swallow.  

There is a pickle for every occasion. And an occasion for every pickle.  Which is how I found myself making pickles all weekend. Gonna start Summer off right. 

Happy Pride. 


Bread and Butter pickles

recipe by Martha Stewart



Yes and Yes Book Club: Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

Mini Blueberry Scones

Mini Blueberry Scones

At no shock to anyone I once again found myself crying at cruising altitude. This month over at Yes and Yes I review Jojo Moyes' Me Before You. A wonderfully gut wrenching story about a quadriplegic and his caregiver. To get myself through it I had to binge eat some mini blueberry scones. And drink lots of coffee.

Let me know if you enjoy it! And if you think I should venture to read the sequel.

Check out my review here!



Puppy Chow and How I Have Learned To Love The South

Puppy Chow

My adult moment this week involved a canned wine spritzer, a service dog named Dotty, and a stranger. All of those things, including the adult moment, took place at the hair salon I visit monthly for (non sexual) human contact, beard trimmings, and now canned wine spritzers. 

As is my nature I arrived early to this month's hair cut. It's a familiar place decorated with old North Carolina barn wood, taxidermied moose, a foosball table, foul language, leather chairs, and a service dog named Dotty asleep in the corner. Located in an old store front just one block off main street and next to a strip club that only opens when the owner feels it is time to piss off the local chamber.

Upstairs is a lounge for special customers. A pieced together room of antique store finds and flat paneled technology of the future. Leather sofas line one wall. A card table in the corner. Tobacco memorabilia on the wall that still somehow works as advertising. You cannot help but feel like a club member of a bygone era. This sweaty afternoon it was host to two older men in bermuda shorts, the air of cigar, and a dirty joke. After they left I was warned one of them likes to kiss everyone in the room on the forehead as he leaves if he's had just the right amount of whiskey.  

A stranger to me was getting his haircut as I waited. A young man who spoke with a tired voice. He was going on about the struggles of fatherhood and the arrival of a third child. Without hesitations and with the swiftness of her shears the hairdresser doled out encouragement and advice. Assuring the young man it would all work out in the end. The best of her advice being a story about her own mother raising three kids with the story ending with, "I'm pretty sure she beat the ass of that day care lady that day. And we never went back to daycare again. I love my momma." 

It was at that moment as I sat canned wine spritzer in hand that I thought how lucky I was to be here today. Though unfortunate as that young man's story is, it added to the colorful narrative of my life in The South. 

This week I have learned of the hooker who worked out of the local waffle house that burned down. Word is she has taken up residence in a neighboring town's waffle house. I have had a glass of wine with a former debutante, while discussing her conservative views and fear of Donald Trump. I have watched a soccer match in a bar full of scarf wearing transplants. I participated in a nerve wracking game of credit card roulette where the loser buys the entire round for all participating. I listened in on a heated debate about where to buy the best chili and slaw for a cookout (only if God forbid you cannot make it yourself). 

I have somehow stumbled into a mash up world of Steel Magnolias/In The Garden of Good and Evil. I am a John Kelso from up North waiting with baited breath for the next Lady Chablis to turn the corner. I am eager to sit next to Clariee in hopes to hear about latest neighborhood gossip. I have my beard trimmed by a modern day Truvy. 

But deep down my inner (and  let's face it sometimes outer) pudgy gay boy only heard one thing while at the hair salon that day. Dotty the service dog somehow got into some store bought "puppy chow" and did it not agree with her. So canned wine spritzer in hand I made the mental note of "pick up Rice Chex at the grocery store tomorrow Benjamin. It's a binge worthy weekend." 


Chex Muddy Buddies (sometimes called...)

Recipe by General Mills



Toasted Bread And Butter Pudding

Toasted Bread and Butter Pudding

It's a gloomy day here in The South. And though I went for my daily anger run on the treadmill and was bullied (with love), by my dear friend Fitness Instructor to attend her morning class, I still found myself unhinging for a fundraising hot dog for lunch.

Hours later I again found myself needing a feeding. So before I slipped into a shame spiral of Netflix viewing for the evening I continued my quest to use only what I have on hand. Have you figured out how lazy I am when it comes to grocery shopping? And to think I used to do it for a living. 

The end result was bread pudding. Folks down this way love their bread pudding. And on more than one occasion I have heard the harsh whisper of "it's good, but it's not my momma's". And since my momma didn't make bread pudding growing up I went to one of my books of worship and asked one of our chosen people for inspiration. 

Ruth came through (not Biblical Ruth - though I image she has a good kugel recipe or two up her robe). 


Toasted Bread And Butter Pudding

Recipe from The Gourmet Cookbook by Ruth Reichl

***notes on recipe: I used a cubed brioche in place of challah. Topped with mixed berry compote.