Pickled Strawberries, Phantom Roommate Syndrome, and Pleasing Others

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Pickled Strawberries

I am in no position to beg for forgiveness regarding my absence with this blog. Naturally my apologies to my two faithful readers.

Let me see if I can catch you two up. 

In the last three months I have gained no ground on how to boil water on an electric stove top. I am 1000% convinced that they are the Devil’s work. Oddly, I have learned how to fry an egg on an electric stove top. It takes me more than twice as long as it did on a Heavenly blessed gas range, but still, I can fry an egg again.

In the last three months I have explored my vast new surroundings (read: the five square blocks that make up my new downtown living situation). There are wonderful fish tacos at King’s Crab Shack. Amazing wings and pizza at Ronni’s Restaurant. There is hardly anything Irish about the Irish bar down the street. And the dark horse winner is the oddly hipster bar around the corner that seats maybe 10 and has absolutely no online presence. One night I had to actually walk over there to see if they were open.

I have had to ban Pimento Cheese from my home. I have found a new love of air conditioning (Captain Planet will not be happy with me). And I have learned the difference between “y’all” and “all y’all”. 

Also I have slowly found my way back into my kitchen.

Though still suffering from phantom roommate syndrome (I am sure this is real even if it’s not on webMD) I am learning what it means to cook for one. By “cook for one” I mean I still cook for the roommate I don’t have and then I freeze the rest. My freezer has become a cook’s nightmare. 

Thanks to the cast of characters that I have met in my new Melrose Place of an apartment building I have been able to pawn off some of my baked goods. 

Most recently I found myself in possession of a flat of strawberries. And after learning that the good folks of North Carolina do not look kindly upon rhubarb I had to compromise my plans of pies and jams. Thankfully the latest copy of Southern Living arrived and suggested pickling my fruit. Which oddly sounds like a euphemism for a man in a cold pool. 

So with some pound cake, vanilla ice cream topped with pickled strawberries I fed some neighbors and filled a void. Then kindly edged the last of them out of my home by 930 because I am old and needed to catch up on my stories on the TV. 

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PICKLED STRAWBERRIES

Inspired by Southern Living Magazine but with modifications

INGREDIENTS

3 cups strawberries; quartered

1 ½ cups balsamic vinegar

1 ½ cups granulated sugar

1 ½ cups water

2 sprigs of fresh rosemary

¼ vanilla bean

INSTRUCTIONS

In saucepan over medium heat bring to boil vinegar, sugar, and water.

While this is coming to a boil pack your jars with your quartered strawberries, sprig of rosemary, and cut of vanilla bean.

Once the vinegar mixture has come to a boil pour directly over the strawberries in the jars.

Wipe rim of jar with clean towel and tightly place lid on jar. Let cool to room temperature.

Move to refrigerator when cooled.

Pickled strawberries will keep in refrigerator for one week. But they will most likely be gone in two days depending on your neighbors.

Until next time. 

And know that bullying clearly works because I wouldn’t have done this without threat. Thank you Tami Two. You would be Tami Number One Fan but my mother is Number One. 

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Soups, Shelley Duvall and Sweaters from The Shining

So much happening - that's my acorn soup (see below). Second - Shelley Duvall not overreacting at all to poor craftsmanship in remodeling. And C - how amazing is that sweater from The Shining? I think I found my winter knitting project. 

Oooooo....gurl I have been laaaaaazzzzzy. I swear with the change in weather I need about a month to adjust. Having to weed out all the Pumpkin Spice food at the supermarket is taking up most of my daylight as it is. And let's not even get started on the new releases on Netflix. 

Who are we kidding? I am still hooked on Murder, She Wrote. 

A couple of topics this week. 

First let us quick recap the September New To Us Restaurant, The Monte Carlo.  

This Warehouse gem is older than God and worth a stop. Situated around the corner from a strip joint and adjacent to an overpriced men's clothing store what more could you ask for? 

The food was pretty damn good. I had the classic Plaza Burger. Basically it's a burger covered in sour cream. There is no arguing with that. Wash it down with a Moscow Mule and your Saturday lunch turns into a 1968 night at the supper club.  

I will say the best part of this whole meal was the actual restaurant building itself. When I walked in I was instantly taken to that amazing bar in The Stanley Hotel, featured in The Shining. One of the most glamourous movies of my lifetime. Shelley Duvall is drama queen all the way through this sad coming of age story. Anyway, the bar at the Monte Carlo is a wall of booze. Meals for days. Just go.  

Now let's talk soups. 

Recently I whor'd out some photos on the Instagramz (follow me here to fill that gap in your life)of soups I have made and a few requests for recipes have popped up. Now please keep in mind most of the time when I make a soup it's because something in  my fridge is about to turn and I will be damned if I am throwing away a squash that is 95% still fresh.  

Potato Soup Two Ways

Carrots

Scallions

Red Onion

Red Potato

Chicken Broth

Salt and Pepper

Heavy Cream

Way One:

Medium dice the carrots, red onion and red potato. Place on lined baking sheet along with a couple scallions. Drizzle some olive oil and sprinkle salt and pepper.  Roast at 400 until tender and looks good enough to risk burning your fingers to pick off the sheet.  

Using a slotted spoon place all roasted vegetables in a medium sized stock pot, add chicken broth and bring to simmer. Continue to cook until the carrots and potatoes are easily smashed with a back of a spoon against the side of the pot.  

Remove from heat and using an immersion blender, blend the soup until as smooth as desired. Add as much or as little cream as you like. And know that nobody cool ever said, "hold the cream". 

Way Two: 

Assuming the night before you roasted a chicken with way too many carrots and scallions take those left overs along with your freshly diced red onion and red potatoes into a pot with a few swirls of olive oil. Saute until fragrant.  Add the chicken broth and bring to simmer. Continue to cook until the carrots and potatoes are easily smashed with a back of a spoon against the side of the pot.

Remove from heat and using an immersion blender, blend the soup until as smooth as desired. Add as much or as little cream as you like. Again nobody cool ever said, "hold the cream". 

Roasted Acorn Squash and Horseradish Soup (adapted from Martha Stewart)

3 Acorn Squash (about 3 pounds)

3 1/2 Cups Chicken Stock

1 T Grated Horseradish

3/4 t Salt

1/4 t Ground Black Pepper

Heavy Cream

Heat oven to 450 degrees. Cut acorn squash in half lengthwise, scoop out seeds, and place, cut side down, on a baking sheet coated with olive oil.  Roast until tender, about 45 minutes. 

Combine chicken stock, horseradish, salt, and pepper in a medium pot, and bring to simmer. Scoop squash flesh out of skins, and place in pot.  Bring to simmer and continue to cook for about 10 mins. 

Remove from heat and blend smooth using an immersion blender. Add heavy cream to taste (I usually use about 1/4 cup).  Garnish with chopped parsley if you care.  

Until next time ladies.  

Slow Cookers, (Cole) Slaw, and Sexy Whispers from Ryan Gosling

sandwich photo is thanks to a zesty bite ryan gosling courtesy of my bedroom (dreams)

Pinterest (find my addiction here) is the devil. It's my new porn. When I cannot sleep at night I roll over and more often than not I get a little poke in the back and Ryan Gosling whispers in my ear, "hey I bet something on Pinterest would love to be looked at". After that I have no ability to control myself and soon enough my right hand is cramping from all the swiping and double tapping. Once I have had my fill of 'pinning' like most men I just roll over and fall asleep.

Thankfully I am still hooked on Murder, She Wrote. Sixteen and one half hours of viewing and I wrapped up season one. The last four episodes have had me walking away briefly to stir my slow cooker. Pinterest won out last night when The Fates took my pointer finger on a journey through fall cooking that lead me to this wonderful recipe.  

I brought out my finest slow cooker and got to work. I have multiple. Everyone should. Sometimes I take them out and shine them up like fine china. I'm joking. But one should have options when cooking at a snail's pace.  

Slow Cooker Jalapeno Popper Pulled Chicken 

RECIPE FROM A Zesty Bite BY WAY OF PINTEREST

INGREDIENTS

2 lbs Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts

1/2 t Chili Powder

1 t Kosher Salt

1 t Minced Garlic

1 Red Onion, sliced

5 Jalapenos, seeded and ribs removed, chopped

8 oz Beer

8 oz Philadelphia Cream Cheese

2 c Mild Cheddar Cheese, shredded

Tomatoes and jalapenos for topping

hamburger or Kaiser rolls

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Turn slow cooker on low.

2. Place chicken, seasonings, beer and vegetables in slow cooker. Save cheeses for later. Cook for 5 hours and then pull chicken. Placing it back in the slow cooker. Adding the cheeses at this point. Cook for additional 20-30 minutes.

3. Serve on bread with tomatoes and extra jalapenos.

Now I made some changes and made a classic creamy coleslaw to put on top. I can't imagine eating pulled anything without a slaw.  

This recipe just proves that fall cooking kicks summer cooking's ass.    

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Bananas, Bread and Blog Celebrity

With his bananas and my cream cheese batter we made this banana bread baby

Being a mild mediocre huge blog celebrity like I am it is almost impossible to go out in public and not be chased down by hoards of fans and paparazzi. This weekend was no different. I was casually dining al fresco with Just Joni along the near paradise like shores of Lake Superior when out of the corner of our my eye I see lurking behind a bush a young man. Now in some places when you see men lurking in the corner watching you there's an exchange of money involved. But this young man had the look of food desperation on his face. As if he had a taste of the most amazing cream cheese batter in the world and would do anything, I mean anything to get another hit. 

Like I said. I am used to this sort of thing all the time. So I just continued to pop my gnocchi and figured that poor boy would find a hit of cream cheese batter and move on. But sadly his desire for my cream cheese batter was too strong. And he called out begging I give him my cream cheese batter.  

I must admit I am touched. My cream cheese batter has not been this popular since Lawyer processed my divorce papers.

So I have decided to put my cream cheese batter out there for everyone to try. I will warn my female fans that my cream cheese normally only attracts men but I'm willing to bet with the right mix of spices and love you would also fall in love with my cream cheese batter.   

Benjamin's Cream Cheese Batter Banana Bread

(inspired by Cream Cheese Filled Banana Bread Recipe from lilluna.com )

• 1 Cup Sugar
• 1/2 Cup Butter, Softened
• 2 Eggs
• 5 Mashed Ripe Medium Bananas (now i'm sure some of you are thinking, "I prefer to use large dark bananas". Trust me. I would also like to just use only large dark bananas. But usually I only get offered medium lightly colored bananas. And as any girl knows you just made due with the bananas you are offered.)
• 1 Tsp Kosher Salt
• 1 Tsp Vanilla
• 1 Tsp Baking Soda
• 4 TB Sour Cream
• 2 Cups Flour 
• 1 1/2 Tsp Chinese Five Spice
• Cream Cheese Batter:
• 8-10oz Brick Philly Cream Cheese (there is NO other cream cheese)
• 1/3 Cup Sugar
• 1 Egg
• 1 TB Flour

Prepare two regular loaf pans with pan spray and either lined with parchment paper or dusted with flour. Set aside. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  

In medium bowl whisk together flour, baking soda and Five Spice. Set aside. In a new medium bowl mix together 1 cup sugar and butter until creamed. Add in eggs, bananas, salt, vanilla and sour cream until fully incorporated. Combine both flour mixture and banana mixture in larger bowl until incorporated. 

In separate bowl cream together cream cheese, 1/3 cup sugar, egg and flour. 

Divide bread batter into quarters. Pour 1/4 into the bottom of each prepared pan. Spoon 1/4 of cream cheese batter onto the bread batter in each pan. Roughly 3-4 heaping tablespoons evenly spaced. 

Layer the remaining bread batter over both pans. Then divide the remaining cream cheese batter over both pans. Again roughly 3-4 heaping tablespoons evenly spaced. With either a long skewer or narrow knife or toothpick drag through the batters to create a marbled look to your liking.  

Place in oven and bake until done - roughly 50 minutes.  

All this talk of bananas has me singing "The Banana Boat Song" by Harry Belafonte as featured in the classic film Beetlejuice starring one of my fans Winona Ryder. I am sure she is a fan. Why wouldn't she? I've stood by her through everything.  And by everything I mean 1992's Dracula.

Love you Wino!

Doughnuts, Doughnut Holes, and Deceptive Doughnuts

For years now I have been listening to Sister talk about her love of strawberry doughnuts. When asked, she will tell you that it is not simply a doughnut with strawberry glaze, but a strawberry doughnut with strawberry glaze. She will also tell you that, though kind of you, do not buy her a doughnut with pink glaze assuming it tastes like strawberry. It won't. 

She weaves a yarn about our father, Just J, taking her to the famed House of Donuts in Duluth as a child. I have only one memory of that joint and it was after a night of drinking kamikazes out of a pitcher. I guess HOD had the strawberry doughnuts that have set in motion the lifelong pursuit of cakey goodness. 

Now last week while I lay in bed gazing into the eyes of my ever cheating lover, Netflix, I received a text from Sister that was simply a Pinterest photo of a Strawberry Doughnut with the text, "can you make this?" beneath.  Having once made doughnuts long ago in my former life of a food stylist I naturally answered, "Yes of course I am a master of doughnuts."  

Cut to a week later up at Just Joni's home in Duluth and I am sweating it out over a simmering pot of canola oil frying up Martha Stewart's very own (non cake) Cake Doughnuts and hand dipping the now golden brown STRAWBERRY flavored doughnuts in STRAWBERRY flavored glaze. Being more of a custard filled Long John guy I wasn't sure what to think of the end result. I will say I popped a couple of those glazed over pink balls in my mouth and I wasn't disappointed. Took me back to the one winter with that tall blond what's his name. He loved a good hole too.  

Doughnuts - Super easy to make. However, like one recipe implied...it's okay to buy plain doughnuts at the grocery store and glaze them yourself and impress everyone. Deceptive as it sounds, why not? I mean I'll judge you, but I won't know if you don't tell me. 

Cake Doughnuts

RECIPE FROM MARTHA STEWART

INGREDIENTS

2 quarts canola oil

2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

1/4 cup sour cream

1 1/4 cups cake flour, not self-rising

3/4 cup granulated sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 teaspoons coarse salt

1 1/2 teaspoons freshly grated nutmeg

1 packet active dry yeast, or 0.6 ounces cake yeast

3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons nonfat buttermilk

1 extra-large whole egg

2 extra-large egg yolks

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 1/4 cups non-melting or confectioners' sugar

INSTRUCTIONS

Directions

Heat oil in a low-sided six-quart saucepan over medium-high heat until a deep-frying thermometer registers 375 degrees. Lightly dust a baking pan with all-purpose flour, and line a second one with paper towels; set both aside.

Meanwhile, place sour cream in a heat-proof bowl on top of a double boiler; set over a pan of simmering water. Heat until warm to the touch. Remove from heat; set aside.

In a large bowl, sift together all-purpose flour, cake flour, granulated sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and nutmeg. Make a large well; place yeast in center. Pour warm sour cream over yeast, and let sit 1 minute.

Place buttermilk, whole egg, egg yolks, and vanilla in a medium bowl; whisk to combine. Pour egg mixture over sour cream. Using a wooden spoon, gradually draw flour mixture into egg mixture, stirring until smooth before drawing in more flour. Continue until all flour mixture has been incorporated; dough will be very sticky.

Sift a heavy coat of flour onto a clean work surface. Turn out dough. Sift another heavy layer of flour over dough. Using your hands, pat dough until it is 1/2 inch thick. Using a 2 3/4-inch doughnut cutter, cut out doughnuts as close together as possible, dipping the cutter in flour before each cut. Transfer doughnuts to floured pan, and let rest 10 minutes, but not more.

Carefully transfer four doughnuts to hot oil. Cook until golden, about 2 minutes. Turn over; continue cooking until evenly browned on both sides, about 2 minutes more. Using a slotted spoon, transfer doughnuts to lined pan. Repeat with remaining doughnuts.

Gather remaining dough scraps into a ball. Let rest 10 minutes; pat into a 1/2-inch-thick rectangle. Cut, let rest 10 minutes, and cook.

When cool enough to handle, sift non-melting sugar over tops; serve immediately.

Okay so I added Strawberry Flavor to the wet ingredients. Enough to make a hint of strawberry. AND instead of sprinkling sugar on top I mixed up a standard powdered sugar, milk (and strawberry flavor) glaze.

Sister seemed to like them. I am planning on binge eating some at around 3 am in my underwear, in the dark, wondering what that blond guy is up to these days.  

Tots M'Sheep I am out - see you next week!

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