Book-It, Buses, and Beers

Thank you docent for just barely getting the name of the museum in the photo and yes...those are GIANT fake frogs on the railing about to attack

Thank you docent for just barely getting the name of the museum in the photo and yes...those are GIANT fake frogs on the railing about to attack

Don't hate me. But I like Fall. I like Winter. And this weekend though it was sunny and nice out I was relieved to see a about a dozen leaves changing colors in the Minnesota countryside. That doesn't mean I am going to stop applying my daily sunscreen (because daily moisturizing is very important) or stop slowing my roll as I go by a Dairy Queen. But it does mean I am going to wax poetic about some fun times had this past Winter (early Spring really)with SAGL and Betsy Wetsy.  

Not so long ago Betsy Wetsy made the "most smartest" move a woman could make. She moved to Uptown in Minneapolis. And with her move she gained two free bus passes from her "generous" landlord. 

Now having never used the city bus (don't judge the poor thing - she comes from royalty I think) she reached out to her two pauper friends, myself and SAGL, to show her the ropes of the more pedestrian life. We decided to make a day adventure out of it.  

SAGL suggested we travel the foreign lands of Dinkytown. For those not in the know Dinkytown is where the kids who are striving for a higher education at the University of Minnesota live. There are bars, frat houses, fast food, theaters, herpes and other cultures there.

We met up at Betsy Wetsy's new pied a terre and ventured to the first bus stop. With the confidence of a q-tip with a new hip, Betsy Wetsy climbed the bus stairs and popped her cherry. Again.  

Ten minutes later and anticipation through the roof we arrived in Dinkytown. I had taken the pleasure of planning out our day, but keeping it secret so as to not spoil any of the fun. 

First on our riotous sojourn we hit the Bell Museum of Natural History.

It was a taxidermy DREAM! So many furs that could have been put to use as muffs. Shit - I mean it was so wonderful of those select Minnesotans to donate the dead animals to teach me more about life outside my bedroom window. Seriously though...pretty cool place. Check out these NSFW photos of our misadventures in learning.  

Yeah we were sober at this point in the day. We are just this much damn fun to be around.

Yeah we were sober at this point in the day. We are just this much damn fun to be around.

After visiting the kind people at Bell Museum we ventured to The Book House in Dinkytown - this joint could suck you in for hours. We're talking doubled up books on shelves and some nice Comic-Con  loving gents behind the counter. At this point I decided that we needed a challenge added to our adventure. I declared that we could not leave until we each purchased a book. 

Books in hand we needed protein STAT. Down the street we ventured to The Loring Pasta Bar.

More bar than pasta I have only been here once. They have Pimms and we all know that is a sure sign of a well established joint. Loring Pasta Bar is nice. The staff was wonderful (read:flirtatious with all of us). And the burger was enjoyable and to quote Betsy Wetsy, "I mean I gave up something for Lent. I gave up Vegetarianism". That and a few cocktails we had to hit the pavement again.  P.S. Betsy Wetsy is back on the Veg folks. She did not fall off the wagon.

This time we were going for ice cream. Annie's Parlour (google it - no website but people talk about it) was pretty damn good. We each ventured to try something different and walked out a little more gassy.  

Not to be outdone by a little gas. We circled the block to get things moving and stopped at our final destination.

The Kitty Kat Club was almost completely empty except for a really sad bachelorette party (it was like 4 pm - who starts a bachelorette party at 4pm?) and a few crazy locals. Thankfully this gave us the total attention of our barmaid. She was kind enough to throw away a nasty ass drink that she recommended and she also regaled us with readings from our Book House bought books.  All in all we were pretty well warmed up by the time we left The Kitty Kat Club. So much so we maybe got on the wrong but back to Uptown.

The lesson of this blog post fan(s). Venture out in your own city. Get drunk at 3pm on a Saturday. And buy books. I know you used to only read because you got a personal pan pizza from Pizza-Hut with Book-It. You can still do that. But now you just need to buy your own damn pizza.  Read people. First my blog. And then a book. And then the blog again. 

Party on...

Basil, (Side) Boob, and Baking Box

my cookies, my basil and yes if you google image "milk milk lemonade" you get a side boob of pam from archer

my cookies, my basil and yes if you google image "milk milk lemonade" you get a side boob of pam from archer

About a month or so ago I found myself wandering the farmers market of Minneapolis (not the real one but the fake one that is put on display downtown every Thursday where you can buy the same hummus that is available in the grocery store not to mention the fruit that is clearly coming from the local banana plantations). 

I was in search of creating the ultimate herb garden this Summer. My present living situation allows me access to what basically boils down to a built in greenhouse with a spare twin mattress that may or may not have fungal issues and is part of what I think an effective security system. I was loading up my hands with what I wanted and calculating what my cash situation was that day. When I reached my max I paid and walked away. Only to realize at my desk, 5 mins later, that I had procured what would be the ultimate Basil Herb Garden. With now 5 varieties of basil in my possession I was the master of all things basil. And not a damn other herb to mix in the bunch.

Not sure what the hell I was thinking.  

Weeks later I'm constantly spritzing thai, mammoth, spiced, sweet and purple basil.  I have no plans to use any of it. I have created an army of basil soldiers with no war to fight. I know in the end I will dry it and use it throughout the Winter. But for now they look sad...UNTIL TONIGHT!

You see last week when it was so hot that other people around me who sweat (I don't sweat) couldn't bear the idea to cook dinner, I volunteered to mount my stead (that is not a euphemism - I am still single ladies oops...gentleman) and ride to our local coffee/sandwich/edging on dirty hipster cafe, Anodyne. I had a tasty croque monsieur with chips (because I'm American) and my roommate dined on a curried turkey sandwich. His was just okay. Mine was worth a return trip when the weather turns cold.  

To splurge and further encourage my impending betis I picked up two cookies. One chocolate chip and one lemon glazed sugar. After being a total bee-yotch to the counter maid (I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply that my cookie taste buds were superior) I felt obligated to try the sample platter.  

Sorry Anodyne but the chocolate chip cookie wasn't the best. However the lemon glazed sugar cookie was like Summer's toes curled, head tilted back and landed on my tongue. Do not spit this time ladies. Swallow. And go back for seconds. The lemon glazed sugar cookie was good enough that it had me thinking for the next few days that I needed to get more citrus desserts in my life tout suite.  

Naturally I bought four "minnesota" lemons at last Thursday's farmers market and have been sitting on them since. I was still thinking about them this afternoon as I watered and talked dirty to my basil soldiers. Which is what lead me to search the interwebs for lemon basil cookies. As I mentioned last week there are no more original ideas so I found a crap ton of recipes. Being a label whore for recipes I stopped scrolling when I saw Bon Appetit had one. And being a one upper on desserts I made it better. Well maybe not better but I didn't have a lime so I just subbed in Real Lime. You know the stuff. Used to come in a lime shaped bottle that you grandmother would spritz into a cocktail.  

Here you go - make it your own but know that my way is probably better...


Lemon Lime Cookies -

RECIPE FROM BON APPETITE

I'm am choosing to make a nice lemon glaze to dip the cookies in. You can sprinkle them with sugar before baking if you don't want to get fancy with a glaze. But a classy lady knows when to glaze a ham and when not to. 



Pall Malls, Puddin' and Pancakes

***don't trust advertisers...it has been my experience that longer is not always milder

Good evening fans (hey Just Joni)!

This post is going to be short. I have been beyond busy with work and life. Not that y'all (hi again Mom) are not priority number one in my day to day. But I need to pay my bills and the street corners have been cut throat as of late.  

I spent most of last week in the fine state of North Carolina gettin' my fill of "southern cuisine". Why the quotes you ask? Because after my third trip there in three months I am pretty sure that "southern cuisine" is code for artery clogging amaze-balls food that should only be eaten with supervision of a reputable medical doctor.  

Here is where I ate - and I recommend that you try them should you find yourself in Pall Mall country.  

Milner's American Southern - try the burger and a Manhattan then race back to you hotel room with clients in the car because as good as the burger is it will cheat on you like a bad online date that lasted a few too many years. Then leave a generous tip for the housekeeping staff. Probably not a good idea to leave a box of Swiss Cake Rolls on the nightstand for emotional eating. We all love Little Debbie - if you need proof here it is (click here...right here...this is the link I want you to click

Firebirds - now judge kindly, but try the burger with sweet potato fries. With a Manhattan. No need to rush home though.  

And if you ever find yourself stranded at the Marriott in the Piedmont Triad Airport in Greensboro you MUST MUST MUST get the Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding (see photo above). Trish, the barmaid, will weave you a magical tale of her friend shooting a car thief in the leg and not getting charged with anything because it's friggin' North Carolina people! Take a swig of Moonshine and brace for the impact of the bullet. Then laugh over it while you eat Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding.  

That was North Carolina and about 600 hours of my week.  

Here are some other things I've been up to: 

Rhubarb Compotes

Upside-down Rhubarb Cake

Sourdough Pancakes

Sourdough Banana Bread 

Sourdough Banana Bread French Toast - bet you wished we were dating at this point don't you? I'm single and ready to mingle...in my kitchen. 

UPDATE (04.23.2017): Rumor has it that Milner's has closed due to some unmentionable indiscretions.  



Asian Fare, Aslan and Awesomeness

This past week I had the pleasure of getting together with my awesome friend Sarah from yesandyes.org. If you are a regular reader of this golden nugget of goodness (my blog of course) you SHOULDN'T hesitate to visit hers. She's one up on the world.  

A few months ago she raved about this Vietnamese restaurant that I immediately forgot the name to. And once an inexcusable amount of time went by that I could do nothing but sheepishly ask her again what it was I just told her to meet me there for dinner so I could see it through her eyes. 

Trieu Chau is located in what I consider Eastern Wisconsin but I think is technically South Frogtown of the eastern wood of St Paul. Look for the fawn next to the lamp and ask for Aslan. He'll set you up. It's really at 500 University Ave West. Right on the soon to be running Green Line of the light rail system or the present day 16 bus line.  

The joint is small and pretty darn cute. Handful of tables and booths. Ever attentive staff. In fact Sarah was talked to like a true regular. Something I LOVE when going to a restaurant.  

Not one to normally nosh down on Vietnamese I followed Sarah's lead and enjoyed the Mock Duck with Mixed Vegetables. It was a spicy number with a bowl of rice the size of right moob (it is always been bigger than the left, why?). We unhinged jaws and took down our meal between a think tank like exchange of cool crap we've been up to these past few months. Her party attendance card was more full than mine, but I had tattooed little people stapling dolla bills to humans on mine.   

Very reasonably priced, I tossed a $20 their way for both plates and got some change back. 

While there the place kept a steady pace of people coming in and I vowed to venture back as soon as the weather is more cuffed biking pants and less chinchilla lined man panties. 

Take a bus, take a train (when they finish it), take your darn car. But certainly try out Trieu Chau and let us know what you think!

p.s. Trieu Chau has no internet homebase. but you have the name of the joint. I gave you the address and you have a smartphone. Use all that and you will be fine.




Carne Caliente, Carnies and Comedy by Stefon

clearly not my photo from UNION - than you Crave Blog...also note the puzzle man lingering beyond the stapler act

clearly not my photo from UNION - than you Crave Blog...also note the puzzle man lingering beyond the stapler act

Time sensitive post here fans! I feel a little like Stefon from SNL with the latest greatest club in Minneapolis.  

Last night as I was in the midst of match making myself with a gentleman caller and I was challenged with planning a date that was better than "lukewarm". I found myself lazily surfing the interwebs (pre date-I'm not a douche) to see what this cold metropolis had to offer on a Friday night.  

Luckily I hit the jackpot with two options. 

First - an all ladies arm wrestling match at a dive bar in SE MPLS

Second - a tattoo convention at a downtown hotel

Again being slightly lazy I didn't want to figure out how to get to the dive bar in SE MPLS so opted for the tattoo convention (bonus selling point...on the entertainment line up was a little person with no arms and two hands where his arms would be. Keep in mind the ad said nothing of talent.  Just a picture of him).  

After meeting my date at the hotel bar we wandered into the convention hall. I slid the ticket seller our money and she kindly complimented our outfits (I'm sure it had nothing to do with the cold hard cash I just slipped her and everything to do with the wooden tie bar I was sporting).  Upon entering the main exhibit hall we immediately heard a roar of applause and awe. So naturally we followed. And thank God we didn't dawdle. We arrived just in time to see said little person on stage with his fellow "entertainer".  Please see the above photos to check out the dolla dolla bills being stapled, yes stapled, to the man on stage.  

The next act was straight out of the carnival circuit. We're talking the stuff you didn't see in Water For Elephants. Chainsaws were involved, sword swallowing, amazing punny jokes and a man completely covered head to toe in tattoos that looked like puzzle pieces.  

GO GO GO to the Minneapolis Tattoo Arts Convention this weekend!

http://www.villainarts.com/

Here is the food news of the night...

Sadly I have to report that King and I Thai of Minneapolis is no longer with us. I was jonesing for some serious 1980's-ish dining experience with some wonderful food and drinks. And like the nail through the nasal cavity of the puzzle man I was brought to my knees when I was told King and I closed. 

So my second option was UNION on Hennepin. I have now been there three times. Each time has been better than the last. I've twice now had the UNION burger. It's probably one of the best burgers I've had in town. And you know I love hot meat in my mouth. This burger (medium rare for you true burger lovers) has some nice American Cheddar, ample pickles, secret sauce (I'm calling it secret and just hoping the waiter didn't...all over my burger), fried onions, bibb lettuce and a poppy seed bun. 

The savory donut holes were wonderful the first time, only pretty good the second time. There's bacon and cheese involved. Not standard state fair fare.  

On the salad front you need to pull on your big boy panties and try the frisee salad without ham. Frisee is a great alternative to EVERY OTHER DAMN SALAD you've had in the last 6 months.  

I bathed in the fig spread from the cheese platter. 

And wanted to start a picc line for my malbec wine just to get it a little faster.  

TO RECAP: 

You must go to the downtown Hyatt this weekend to watch people get tattoos and see what a real carnival show is like. 

Second - give Union a chance. If anything we love them because you can make reservations for the enclosed rooftop dining room on Opentable.com.  

And for fun here is the best of Stefon -