Dark Brown Sugar Cookies

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Dark Brown Sugar Cookies

This past Friday I found myself languished in an oversized booth of a new Thai restaurant painfully waiting for my Panang Curry to arrive tout de suite. It had been a draining week in the cube and I needed sustenance and ginger martinis fast! Upon arrival I unhinged my jaw, inhaled my curry, cleansed my palette with a second martini and flagged down the wonderful waitress so I could pay my tab. 

And in that slow motion moment in all great movies. She returned uttering that dreaded and demoralizing phrase, "Do you have another card? This one was DECLINED!!!!". Followed by a cackle one only sees in great Disney movies the moment the pre teen princess decides it's a good idea to trust her gut and go with the strange bitter hag she only just met.  

Panic set in until I realized that for some strange reason I was griping some crumpled up green receipts in my hand. It was then I realized that those were not receipts but cash! Not something I normally have. So I did what all my forefathers before did. Paid the lady and got on my way. 

One quick call to my bank later I was informed that my debit card had been "compromised". Apparently someone had tried to use it to buy a $299.04 movie on "m-video.com". Now I am not a cheap person but I don't pay for those kinds of movies. There are plenty of free sites. And to pay $299.04 for one I said to that phone banker, "daymn".  So they kindly stopped the transaction saving me from paperwork and the poor house.

However that leaves me cash poor for one week as I wait for my new card. Which lead me to think this is a perfect time to play the game Eat Only What's In Your Home and Not Buy Groceries For A Week. It's a fun game I sometimes play given my monthly (not weekly) pay check. It makes you think outside the box and not waste a thing. 

Naturally I needed cookies for breakfast today while I watched This Old House. And since I was using only ingredients presently located within the confines of my apartment I was limited.

The end result being Brown Sugar Cookies. There are few things I stock up on. Dark Brown Sugar is one of them. For some reason down here in North Carolina Dark Brown Sugar is not always at the grocery store. So when I see it I load up like I'm heading to the bunker for a few years. 

My breakfast cookies turned out well. And this recipe could not have been any easier. One bowl is all you need. Just two notes. The original recipe called for 2 Cups All Purpose Flour. I had to add almost another full cup to make the dough the correct consistency. And I also made the balls much smaller than the original 1/4 C stated in the recipe. 

Let me know below if you like this recipe! And please feel free to hit that share button to impress all your friends with them!

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DARK BROWN SUGAR COOKIES

RECIPE INSPIRED BY SERIOUS EATS

INGREDIENTS

14 T butter, melted

1 3/4 C packed dark brown sugar

3/4 t kosher salt

1 large egg

2 t vanilla extract

3 C All Purpose Flour

1 t baking powder

1/2 t baking soda

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Move oven rack to middle of oven and preheat to 350 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment and set aside.

2. Mix together melted butter, 1 1/2 cups dark brown sugar, and salt until well combined. Stir in vanilla extract and egg until combined. Add flour, baking soda, and baking powder and stir until combined.

3. Divide into balls. Roll balls in remaining dark brown sugar and place on baking sheets. Press balls with fingers until about 1" thick.

4. Bake until cracked on top and golden ring of happiness is visible. About 9-11 minutes. Remove from oven. Let cool for 5 minutes on pan. Move cookies to cooling rack until cool to touch.

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La Croix Blackberry Cucumber Cupcakes

La Croix Blackberry Cucumber Cupcakes  

I have a slight obsession with La Croix sparkling water. At any given time I have three plus flavors stocked in my refrigerator. I have lengthy discussions with my sister and other La Croix fans. And let it be known this is NOT a sponsored post. But simply my first attempts at admitting my addiction.

A few weeks back I came across a "new to me" flavor of Blackberry Cucumber La Croix at Target. My winter was made complete that day. And this past weekend I decided to put to test my new favorite flavor and use it in a one step cupcake recipe. I was very pleased with the resulting cupcake and then paired it with a simple Swiss buttercream frosting topped with a fresh blackberry. You could really use any flavor La Croix with this recipe so have fun and experiment. 

La Croix Blackbery Cucumber Cupcakes

Preheat oven to 350°F

Line two 12 count muffin pans with paper liners and set aside. 

Mix one boxed White Cake Mix with one can of La Croix of choice. Omitting all other ingredients (the eggs, oil, and water). 

Portion out batter into muffin pans and bake for 18-24 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

Allow to cool completely and frost with any basic white frosting. I used a simple white frosting with a hint of vanilla added. If it suits you, store bought frosting will work just as well. 

Yes and Yes Book Club: The Devil In The White City

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It's that time of the month again when you can find me loitering over at the fabulous Yes and Yes spouting off about books and food! This month it's serial killers and brownies. Two of my more favorite topics to get deep about.

Check it out HERE!

(Crawfish) Boils, Boston, and Boozy Cakes

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A few weeks back I took a vision quest to the small village of Cambridge, Massachusetts to visit some friends and partake in my very first crawfish boil. Now I am sure that many of you are picking your jaws up off the floor with the image of my fine Jew self sucking down some crawfish brains. It should be known to all that I was given official Jew approval by the official Southern Jew (SoJew) herself. In fact her exact words were, “You are a Southern Jew now. Get over it.” With those words of encouragement and $40 cash it wasn’t but a few minutes time that I found myself beard deep in serving platter of the little red bastards. One thousand pounds of crawfish had been ordered for the annual LSU Crawfish Boil held at The Baseball Tavern. I ate roughly 999 pounds. I kid. I ate enough that I was afraid to fart in public but not enough that I also chased it with a cheese burger from Tasty Burger about two hours later.

The event overall was wonderful. I was able to spend hours with friends talking about all the great times we had at LSU. The picnics we had in the quad between classes. The all night ragers over at Lamda Lamda Lamda. And then I realized I didn’t go to LSU. That I spent all my time in college working at the mall like all good gay virgins with dreams of big city Working Girl lives. Oh Tape World. I miss you.

The whole weekend was full of fun activities. There was the night I kiki’d with the girls over Indian take out. That night I learned that I am the same Myers Briggs personality type as Joe Hackett from the seminal television classic Wings. Television has not been the same since that show left us.

Then there was the afternoon that I lost my virginity while getting a pedicure. I have to admit it actually was my first time in the pedicure chair. And I have to admit that I really do think I lost my virginity (again and again and again) to that same pedicure chair. My fine Boston friend, Ms. Antipasto, apparently didn’t feel it necessary to tell me that the chair reenacts scenes from movies you normally have to verify your age to watch. The place was lovely. If I lived there I was would have a standing weekly appointment. Maybe on Saturday mornings.

Part of an afternoon was spent crying in a Christian Science library. Part of an afternoon was spent acting out our favorite scenes from Evening Shade on balconies overlooking bays. One morning was spent getting to know strangers over cheesy grits. Another morning was spent binge eating pie for breakfast with friends.

And through it all we still had time to squeeze in some greatly appreciated episodes of Good Times. Thankfully JJ got out of jail in part two of that nail biter.

All in all a great weekend.  

Now I am sure all of you are wondering what the “H”, “E”, Double Hockey Sticks I whipped up in the kitchen this week for the blog.

If you recall last week's riveting post you will know that at one point during my weekend shenanigans I found myself a bar listening to my wonderful friend Leasing Agent sing. While there the barkeep suggested I try this new to me root beer with a kick. He handed me a bottle of Not Your Father’s Root Beer by the fine folks over at Small Town Brewery. Let me just say that if you are a fan of root beer and a fan of alcohol pick some up. Warn your family that rehab is your plan for next Summer and call it day. If this liquid gold had been around when Nancy Reagan was in office she would have warned us against it on an episode of Diff’rent Strokes. As my plan is to not be plastered at the pool all weekend I decided to use what I bought for a good old fashioned Root Beer Cake.

Not Your Father’s Boozy Cake

(adapted from The Food Network’s Root Beer Bundt Cake)

INGREDIENTS

1 Stick unsalted butter

2 Cups All Purpose flour, plus more for dusting pan

2 1/4 Cups Not Your Father’s Root Beer

1 Cup unsweetened cocoa powder

2 Ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped

1 Cup granulated sugar

½ Cup packed dark brown sugar

1 ¼ Teaspoons baking soda

½ Teaspoons ground allspice

1 Teaspoon salt

3 Large eggs, beaten

INSTRUCTIONS

Preheat the oven to 325 degree.

Spray and dust with flour a two 8" or 9" cake rounds; tap out the excess flour.

Heat 2 cups root beer, the cocoa powder, chocolate and 1 stick butter in a large saucepan over medium heat until the butter melts. Add the granulated and brown sugars and whisk until dissolved. Remove from the heat and let cool.

Combine 2 cups flour, the baking soda, allspice and 1 teaspoon salt in a bowl. Whisk the eggs into the root beer mixture, then gently fold in the dry ingredients (the batter will be slightly lumpy).

Pour the batter into the prepared pans and bake until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean, 30-45 minutes, rotating the pans halfway through. Transfer to a rack. Gently poke the cake all over with a skewer and pour 1/4 cup root beer over the cake; let cool in the pan for 20 minutes, then invert the cake onto a serving plate and let cool completely.

Prepared Buttercream Frosting (recipe here)

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Rusty Griswold's, Rhubarb Poppy Seed Cake, and ROLF

Hello Adult Russ Griswold. Would you like a slice of my cake?

Another week has come and gone. With no plans this weekend I was a complete waste. I am bloated, tired and achy.  

Oh dear I can't even type that with a straight face.

I am young, hung, and fabulous! What do the kids say these days? Rolling on the floor laughing? Jesus they don't make anything simple anymore do they?

So this weekend was busy. I got together with Work Wife and my new friend Cool Mom on Friday. Cool Mom is cool because she planned the ultimate European vacation for her kids recently. And it didn't involve going on Pig in a Poke. If you don't get that reference just shut your browser down now.  I openly admit to having a crush on all Rusty Griswold's save for that one in European Vacation. It has nothing to do with that scary scene with all the half naked women.  

Anyway the three of us went all out and had our Tarot Cards read. Needless to say I have a bright future. Anybody can have a bright future if you tip the card reader well enough.  

I followed that mini-adventure with a hot wedding date with Baby Mama. We adventured over to East Minneapolis and caught up with some old work friends while others exchanged vows. Then we slipped out and wrapped up our classic Midwestern romantical night with a stop at Lynden Soda Fountain. Now back in my day the soda jerk didn't wear sweatpants and a crop top. But who am I to complain as I unhinged and inhaled my mint chocolate chip cone. Worth a stop if you found yourself on a road trip out East.  

Now today I am been busy around the house. I had a bee in my weave to get some chili made and bake a cake. So help me God I don't know why I did it on such a muggy day but I am sure this counts towards my step aerobics class down at the Young Men's Christian Association. I may be a Jew but I know those Catholic boys like to work it out.  

So the chili and cake are done. "WHAT IS THE CAKE?" I am sure you are screaming right now. Well I was busy this morning in bed Pinteresting and came across a recipe for Rhubarb Poppy Seed Doughnuts. That sounded good to me but I had no intention of getting the fryer going. And I have a dinner guest tomorrow night so a cake was more appropriate.

Having not been to the grocer in a while I had to Frankenstein a cake together. Here is what I created. Based on many cakes throughout time. So I stole it from no one in particular.  

Rhubarb Poppy Seed Cake

INGREDIENTS: CAKE

1/2 C Unsalted Butter (room temp)

1 1/2 C Granulated Sugar

1 1/2 t Vanilla Extract

1 t Kosher Salt

3 Whole Eggs (room temp)

2 C + 2 T All Purpose Flour

4 t Baking Powder

1 C Almond Milk

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Prepare one 10" round pan with parchment paper and spray. Or two 6" rounds. Or for fun use your 10-12" cast iron pan.  If using cast iron coat with extra butter and flour inside. Set aside. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Cream together in stand mixer Butter, Sugar, Vanilla and Salt until fully incorporated. Add eggs one at a time until well mixed. In a separate bowl whisk together Flour and Baking Powder.

3. Alternate adding flour mixture and milk into butter mixture until fully incorporated.

4. Divide batter into pans if using multiple.  Bake until toothpick comes out clean. About 45 mins.

INGREDIENTS: Rhubarb Syrup

1 C Fresh Rhubarb, chopped

1 C Sugar

1 C Water

INSTRUCTIONS

Combine all three in small sauce pan and bring to boil. Reduce heat and continue to cook until syrup has thickened. Let cool completely until needed.

INGREDIENTS: FROSTING

1 C Unsalted Butter

1/4 C Vegetable Shortening

1 t Vanilla Extract

4-5 C Powdered Sugar

Rhubarb Syrup (as desired)

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. In stand mixer combine Butter, Shortening, Vanilla and 2 cups of the Powdered Sugar. Continue to add powdered sugar until you get the consistency you desire. Using the Rhubarb Syrup to thin out the frosting and more powder sugar to thicken.

2. Once cake has cooled, poke repeatedly with toothpick to create a series of tiny holes in cake. Very carefully pour a small amount (no more than 2 T) of the rhubarb syrup on the cake.

3. Now frost the cake as desired and sprinkle with poppy seeds to decorate.

Don't binge eat the whole cake if you are getting drug tested at work any time in the near future.  

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