Tomato Sandwich

Tomato Sandwich

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. If you find yourself in a cab with no way to pay the fare, you can pay with a pair of panties. And it's not dirty if you make the driver turn his head and not watch you take them off. Just leave them in door with the gum wrappers.  

2. Tomatoes are held in high regard here. Like false god status. I wish I were kidding but I am not. With tomato season comes tomato sandwiches, which I at first scoffed at, but have now had three in two days. 

3. Tomato sandwiches are best eaten with Bunny or Merita White Bread (think Wonder Bread but 1000 times better), Duke's Mayonnaise, and a garden fresh tomato. Salt and pepper to taste.  




Braised Okra

Braised Okra

There are few things that one seems to skirt around when living in The South. Race, religions other than anything Christian based, and select foods. Namely okra. People either love them or hate them. 

I personally love them. Fried. Sauteed. Charred. They are all good to me. Hands down fried is the best though. Let's be real. It's really a superfood in my eyes. Loaded with potassium, fiber, vitamin C, and calcium it's really the best thing you can possibly fry up. 

When poorly done, Okra can become slimy. Which is the largest thing it has going against it. And the one thing you always hear from okra's opponents. Nothing slimy in life is good.

So this week when okra showed up in my CSA I was rather pleased. Now my challenge was 1. how little I received and 2. how can make this healthy and tasty while wanting nothing more than to slice, bread, and fry the shit out of it. 

Naturally with one quick sesh with The Google I was able to find a recipe that looked like it could get me through the next round of Men's Gymnastics at Rio 2016.

BRAISED OKRA

RECIPE BY PETER G AT SOUVLAKIFORTHESOUL  




Puppy Chow and How I Have Learned To Love The South

Puppy Chow

My adult moment this week involved a canned wine spritzer, a service dog named Dotty, and a stranger. All of those things, including the adult moment, took place at the hair salon I visit monthly for (non sexual) human contact, beard trimmings, and now canned wine spritzers. 

As is my nature I arrived early to this month's hair cut. It's a familiar place decorated with old North Carolina barn wood, taxidermied moose, a foosball table, foul language, leather chairs, and a service dog named Dotty asleep in the corner. Located in an old store front just one block off main street and next to a strip club that only opens when the owner feels it is time to piss off the local chamber.

Upstairs is a lounge for special customers. A pieced together room of antique store finds and flat paneled technology of the future. Leather sofas line one wall. A card table in the corner. Tobacco memorabilia on the wall that still somehow works as advertising. You cannot help but feel like a club member of a bygone era. This sweaty afternoon it was host to two older men in bermuda shorts, the air of cigar, and a dirty joke. After they left I was warned one of them likes to kiss everyone in the room on the forehead as he leaves if he's had just the right amount of whiskey.  

A stranger to me was getting his haircut as I waited. A young man who spoke with a tired voice. He was going on about the struggles of fatherhood and the arrival of a third child. Without hesitations and with the swiftness of her shears the hairdresser doled out encouragement and advice. Assuring the young man it would all work out in the end. The best of her advice being a story about her own mother raising three kids with the story ending with, "I'm pretty sure she beat the ass of that day care lady that day. And we never went back to daycare again. I love my momma." 

It was at that moment as I sat canned wine spritzer in hand that I thought how lucky I was to be here today. Though unfortunate as that young man's story is, it added to the colorful narrative of my life in The South. 

This week I have learned of the hooker who worked out of the local waffle house that burned down. Word is she has taken up residence in a neighboring town's waffle house. I have had a glass of wine with a former debutante, while discussing her conservative views and fear of Donald Trump. I have watched a soccer match in a bar full of scarf wearing transplants. I participated in a nerve wracking game of credit card roulette where the loser buys the entire round for all participating. I listened in on a heated debate about where to buy the best chili and slaw for a cookout (only if God forbid you cannot make it yourself). 

I have somehow stumbled into a mash up world of Steel Magnolias/In The Garden of Good and Evil. I am a John Kelso from up North waiting with baited breath for the next Lady Chablis to turn the corner. I am eager to sit next to Clariee in hopes to hear about latest neighborhood gossip. I have my beard trimmed by a modern day Truvy. 

But deep down my inner (and  let's face it sometimes outer) pudgy gay boy only heard one thing while at the hair salon that day. Dotty the service dog somehow got into some store bought "puppy chow" and did it not agree with her. So canned wine spritzer in hand I made the mental note of "pick up Rice Chex at the grocery store tomorrow Benjamin. It's a binge worthy weekend." 


Chex Muddy Buddies (sometimes called...)

Recipe by General Mills



Relationship Goals with my CSA

Relationship Goals. 

My CSA arrived again on Friday. And again I am feeling pressured. 

Thankfully I just had (half?) a bottle of rosé to help. I'm thinking the bowl of mini wheats for breakfast is plenty base for my wine.

I'm going to walk home now. 

Who orders this much arugula?!?!

I do.

WHYYYYYY?

A....R....U....G....U....L....A.

I love that word.  

Some woman just cat called me on the street complimenting my cardigan. Hello Hipster Woman. If I was into kitty kats I would totally stop and share my rose. Maybe. But I'm not into kitty's.  

She probably likes cabbage.

I like cucumbers. Persian (they're curved). Not the hothouse ones. Too skinny.  

Dammit the kabobs place is closed. Maybe the Mediterranean place is open.

NOPE. Hello...there is a qualifying bike race AND park concert happening two blocks away Mediterranean place! Your loss.  

I'll just fry an egg when I get home. With arugula.  And wine.   

Post. Post. Post. Opps. I mean publish. Wait...gotcha.  



Toasted Bread And Butter Pudding

Toasted Bread and Butter Pudding

It's a gloomy day here in The South. And though I went for my daily anger run on the treadmill and was bullied (with love), by my dear friend Fitness Instructor to attend her morning class, I still found myself unhinging for a fundraising hot dog for lunch.

Hours later I again found myself needing a feeding. So before I slipped into a shame spiral of Netflix viewing for the evening I continued my quest to use only what I have on hand. Have you figured out how lazy I am when it comes to grocery shopping? And to think I used to do it for a living. 

The end result was bread pudding. Folks down this way love their bread pudding. And on more than one occasion I have heard the harsh whisper of "it's good, but it's not my momma's". And since my momma didn't make bread pudding growing up I went to one of my books of worship and asked one of our chosen people for inspiration. 

Ruth came through (not Biblical Ruth - though I image she has a good kugel recipe or two up her robe). 


Toasted Bread And Butter Pudding

Recipe from The Gourmet Cookbook by Ruth Reichl

***notes on recipe: I used a cubed brioche in place of challah. Topped with mixed berry compote.