Slow Cooker Pear Apple Butter

Pear Apple Butter

Pretty low key weekend here at the bachelor pad. So low key that I basically just had a brunch for one in my underwear that consisted of some oyster crackers dipped in Pear Apple Butter that I recently slow cookered up while watching The Goonies. 

"Jeez mister. You're even hungrier than I am" - Chunk

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Slow Cooker Pear Apple Butter

RECIPIE FROM MARTHA STEWART

MAKES ABOUT 6 CUPS

INGREDIENTS

2 1/2 pounds Bartlett or Anjou Pears (about 5)

2 1/2 pounds McIntosh or Gala Apples (about 5)

1 Cup Packed Dark Brown Sugar

1/2 teaspoon coarse Salt

1 Cinnamon Stick

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Peel, quarter, and core pears and apples. In a food processor, finely grate fruit (in batches, if necessary), then transfer to a 5- to 6-quart slow cooker. Stir in dark-brown sugar, salt, and cinnamon stick. Cover and cook on high, 4 hours.

2. Remove cinnamon stick and reserve. Transfer mixture to processor (in batches, if necessary) and process until smooth. Return to slow cooker, along with cinnamon stick, and cook on high, uncovered, until mixture is thick and browned, 4 hours. Discard cinnamon stick and let mixture cool. Transfer to airtight containers and refrigerate, up to 3 weeks, or freeze, up to 3 months.

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FOR MORE THINGS APPLES AND MY LIFE CHECK OUT THESE BLOGS POSTS

MORE TRADITIONAL APPLE BUTTER

APPLESAUCE BY WAY OF THE SLOW COOKER AND THE EXORCIST

ROASTED ACORN SQUASH AND SUSPICIOUS MOLES THAT TURN OUT TO BE MELTED CHOCOLATE

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Korean Beef Bibimbap

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South:

1. If you can find a woman who will tolerate your drunk self Facetiming from main street, throwing up while being cheered on by the evenings alfresco diners, and without missing a beat wipe the spittle from your mouth as you praise her and claim her as your fiancé to the now forming crowd, consider yourself blessed. 

2. As my trusted advisor and beard stylist once said, "when online dating, nothing good happens after midnight. Wash the sheets in hot water and we'll forget about it over bottomless mimosas tomorrow."

3. When someone in the group has to ask, "what is that drip, drip, drip?" it's time to consider that you have maybe had one too many lactation cookies.  

This month my emotional eating has taken a sharp turn for the better...I think. At the suggestion of my mother and some friends I joined Hello Fresh. The online meal prep service. Once a week I get a box of wonderfully packed goods with three detailed and easy to execute recipes. Unlike my online dating life as of late this is reliable and a delight to have at home. My final meal of this week was Korean Beef Bibimbap. I've added an egg. Because everything is better with an egg. 

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Korean Beef Bibimbap

RECIPE FROM HELLO FRESH

SERVES 2 - TOTAL TIME: ROUGHLY 30 MINS

INGREDIENTS

1 Zucchini

4 oz Button Mushrooms

2 Scallions

1 Carrot

1 Medium Piece Fresh Ginger

2 Cloves Garlic

3/4 Cup Jasmine Rice

5 tsp White Wine Vinegar

1 Tbsp Seasame Oil

2 tsp Sriracha

3 Tbsp Soy Sauce

10 oz Ground Beef

1.5 Tbsp Sugar

4 tsp Vegetable Oil

Salt and Pepper

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Wash and dry all produce. Bring 1¼ cups water to a boil in a small pot. Halve zucchini lengthwise; slice into thin half moons. Trim and thinly slice mushrooms and scallions, keeping scallion greens and whites separate. Peel carrot; using a peeler, shave into ribbons. Peel and mince ginger. Mince garlic.

2. Once water is boiling, add rice and a pinch of salt to pot. Cover, lower heat, and reduce to a gentle simmer. Cook until tender, 15-20 minutes.

3. Toss scallion whites with white wine vinegar and a pinch of salt in a small bowl. Set aside to marinate. In another small bowl, stir together sesame oil, 1½ TBSP sugar, up to 2 tsp sriracha, and 1½ TBSP soy sauce (we’ll use the rest of the sriracha and soy sauce later).

4. Heat a drizzle of oil in a large pan over medium-high heat (use a nonstick pan if you have one). Add carrot; season with salt and pepper. Cook, tossing, until tender but still crisp, 3-4 minutes. Remove from pan and set aside. Add another drizzle of oil to pan and repeat with zucchini; remove from pan once cooked. Add mushrooms and another drizzle of oil to pan and cook until tender, 3-5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Remove from pan and set aside.

5. Heat another drizzle of oil in same pan over medium-high heat. Add garlic and ginger and cook until fragrant, 30 seconds. Add beef, breaking up meat into pieces. Cook, tossing occasionally, until no longer pink, about 4 minutes. Increase heat to high and continue cooking until browned and crisp, about 3 minutes. Pour in remaining soy sauce and cook, tossing, until mostly evaporated, 1-2 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.

6. Divide rice between bowls. Arrange beef, zucchini, carrot, mushrooms, and scallion whites on top. Drizzle with sauce and remaining sriracha (to taste). Sprinkle with scallion greens and serve.

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Vegan Pumpkin Bread

Vegan Pumpkin Bread

Well it's been a few days since I've been here. My apologies to all three readers. It has been a busy few weeks. You see two sets of good friends were getting married. And because I can't keep my nose out of anyone's damn business I was involved in both. That coupled with my already debilitating Netflix and boxed wine addition just took up too much of my time. 

So now that both weddings are done and I'm in between series I thought I would take some time back in the kitchen to center myself. After cleaning up the empty Trader Joe Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup wrappers from a rough night of 3 am naked snacking I got to baking some basic bitch pumpkin bread. However this pumpkin bread is vegan. I am not vegan but due to a recent request I had some vegan sugar left in my pantry. And I'm not about to waste that expensive shit. 

If all goes well I should be back next week. Here's hoping for a fun filled week. 

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Vegan Pumpkin Bread

INGREDIENTS

1 15-ounce can (1 3/4 cups) pumpkin puree

1/2 cup melted refined coconut oil

3 tablespoons white vinegar

3/4 teaspoons baking soda

1 2/3 cups granulated sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

3/4 teaspoon fine sea or table salt

1 tablespoon Chinese Five Spice

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

For Topping:

1 tablespoon light brown sugar

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Coat with cooking spray and line with parchment paper one 6-cup loaf pan. Set aside.

2. In medium sized bowl mix together flour, Chinese Five Spice, 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, 3/4 teaspoons baking soda. Set aside.

3. In separate large bowl mix together pumpkin puree, coconut oil, salt, white vinegar and 3/4 teaspoons baking soda.

4. Add dry ingredients into pumpkin mixture. Stir until fully incorporated. Spoon into prepared loaf pan.

5. In small bowl mix together topping ingredients and evenly spread over batter in pan. Place pan in preheated oven and bake for 60-75 minutes. Turning after 30 minutes for even baking. Test with toothpick and remove from oven when toothpick comes out clean.

Let cool 10 minutes. Remove from pan and cool completely on cooling rack.

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Disappearing Brownies

This weekend was one of those weekends that I had little to no desire to cook. So naturally I baked. And baked enough to make sure I didn't have to cook. There is nothing wrong with brownies or cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It is a holiday weekend afterall. 

I got this recipe from a friend and coworker years ago. She and her husband made their money operating gas stations and car washes in suburban Minneapolis. She was always good for a story about a family getting trapped in a broken car wash one Sunday after church. 

She called these blondies, "Disappearing Brownies", because, "I put them out and they are gone before I get one."

INGREDIENTS

1 Cup Butterscotch Chips

1/2 Cup Butter

1 1/2 Cups All Purpose Flour

2/3 C Brown Sugar

2 t Baking Powder

1/2 t Salt

1 t Vanilla

2 eggs

2 Cups Mini Marshmallows

2 Cups Milk Chocolate Chips

1/4-1/2 C Chopped Nuts (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a 9x13 baking dish with aluminum foil. Spray with pan

In microwave safe bowl or in small saucepan over medium heat, melt together butterscotch chips and butter. Set aside.

In medium sized bowl mix together by hand flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, vanilla and eggs. MIxture will be dry.

Add in melted butterscotch mixture.

Add in marshmallows, chocolate chips, and nuts if desired.

Using back of rubber spatula press mixture evening throughout baking dish.

Place baking dish on middle rack in preheated oven. Bake 30-35 mins. Brownies will appear to be underbaked and a little wobbly. Remove from oven and allow to cool completely in pan.

Personal preference - best served cold.

Summer Sausage

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. Slow dancing with a lesbian to Leon Bridges while drinking wine and eating cured meats on the roof of the birthplace of Camel cigarettes was a great way to ease into a long weekend. 

2. This same lesbian was spoon fed by Jeff Probst on Survivor as she was flown out of the Philippines due to Japanese Encephalitis. 

3. I'm not sure if it's due to my time served or their general gullibility. But it was far too easy to convince two traveling actors from LA that my hairdresser had her handgun in her handbag. Because "this is The South". 

Summer is waning. Let's see what else we can learn before the threat of snow and pumpkin spice lattes.  

See you next time. 

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FOR MORE ON WHAT I'VE TAKEN AWAY FROM LIVING SOUTH OF THE MASON DIXON CHECK THESE OUT!

MY OBSESSION WITH PUPPY CHOW AND LEARNING TO LOVE THE SOUTH

DATING MY CSA

PULLING OUT THE OG OF PIES

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