Man Panties (bunched), Mia Farrow (possesed) and Martha Stewart (angelic)
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| Those are not the guilty undies - Mia's hair is brought to you by Vidal, her child by Satan - and my future pulled pork |
Well last week was a full week. Monday through Friday it was
hours upon hours of Buzzfeed spreadsheets at work. My biggest problem of
the week was on Thursday. I either put
my man panties on backward or my ass was really hungry. I spent the whole damn day digging them out of
my perky lower cheeks. Now if that doesn't bring all the boys to the yard…I'm
free for dates on any day ending in “y”.
And if you were conscious this weekend you've noticed Winter
is coming. And since it’s Winter I’d like to get back into a routine. It’s
630pm, cold and dark outside, and I’m in bed watching the romantic comedy
Rosemary’s Baby. What’s not funny about
Mia Farrow schtuping a young hot John Cassavetes while a Satan worshiping,
Pucci clad Ruth Gordon is your wacky neighbor? All I can say is that giving up
your devil baby might be worth it if you get the space they got in New York
City. My God, did you see the closet
space?!?! And there is a plug for Vidal Sassoon in the movie. What every romcom
from 1965 needs…Vidal Sassoon.
Now after a day of wine and food that should only be eaten
at Superbowl parties I took a few minutes to get ready for dinner
tomorrow. Sister and Her Husband are
coming for dinner and I need to test out a new recipe for an upcoming
party. Plus it was Sister’s birthday
this past week. I believe she is
somewhere in her 20s which means I'm still somewhere in my 30s.
Completely non Kosher we are going to have pulled pork
sandwiches and an angel food cake with bourbon creme anglaise. I’m blending a couple recipes:
Pulled Pork Sandwiches (combined from Food Network’s Sandra
Lee and Jeff Mauro)
Roast Pork:
·
1/4 cup light brown sugar
·
1 tablespoon ground coriander
·
1 tablespoon garlic powder
·
1 tablespoon onion powder
·
1 tablespoon kosher salt
·
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
·
1 teaspoon ground cumin
·
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
·
1 boneless pork butt or shoulder, fat cap scored
(about 5 pounds)
Directions:
For the roast pork: In a small bowl, combine the brown
sugar, coriander, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, black pepper, cinnamon
and cumin to make a dry rub. Massage the rub over the pork,
making sure to rub it in between the scored fat cap. Wrap the pork in plastic
wrap and let it sit for 2 hours or overnight in the fridge.
In a slow cooker mix the following:
·
1/2 cup chicken broth
·
1/2 cup brown sugar
·
1/4 cup soy sauce
·
1 cup chili sauce
·
1 (6-ounce) can pineapple juice
·
1 medium onion, chopped
·
2 carrots, chopped
Place pork shoulder in slow cooker and slow cook. It’s that simple.
Now I need to try a couple different toppings for the party
that is coming up:
Sweet Chile Sauce:
·
2 cups rice vinegar
·
1 cup brown sugar
·
1 tablespoon crushed red pepper
·
1 teaspoon kosher salt
·
4 cloves garlic, smashed
Bring the vinegar, sugar, crushed red pepper, salt and garlic to a boil and
cook until the sugar and salt dissolve. Simmer for 5 to 10 minutes, and then
set aside until the pork is ready. Right before you toss in the pork, remove the
smashed garlic cloves.
Grilled Pineapple Relish:
·
Oil, for grilling
·
1 fresh pineapple, skinned, cored and cut into
1-inch slices
·
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
·
1 tablespoon peeled and grated fresh ginger
·
1 lime, juiced
·
1 jalapeno, seeded and diced
·
1/2 red onion, diced
·
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Preheat a grill pan or grill over high heat. Rub the
grill with a bit of oil and grill each side of the pineapple slices until dark
grill marks appear, 3 to 5 minutes a side. Roughly chop the pineapple and add
it to a bowl with the cilantro, ginger, lime juice, jalapeno and onions. Season with salt and
pepper.
For the sandwich build: Using two forks or your hands, pull
apart the warm pork. Toss with the Chile Sauce. Butter and toast the buns until
golden brown. Place ample quantities of pork on the bottom bun and top with
Grilled Pineapple Relish and shredded red cabbage.
For
dessert I plan on making Sister’s favorite, Angel Food Cake. But I plan on skipping the fluffy white
frosting for a more adult bourbon creme anglaise. Thank you Ms. Stewart for that suggestion.
Angel Food Cake
(Ms. Stewart)
Ingredients
·
1 1/4 cups sifted cake flour (not self-rising)
·
1 1/2 cups sugar
·
12 large egg whites, at room temperature
·
1 1/2 teaspoons cream of tartar
·
1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
·
1/2 vanilla bean, split and scraped or 1 1/2
teaspoons pure vanilla extract
·
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
·
Bourbon Creme Anglaise, optional
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees with a rack set in the center of
the oven.
2. Sift flour together with 3/4 cup sugar. Repeat process three
times; set aside.
3. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk
attachment, beat egg whites, cream of tarter, and salt on medium speed until
foamy. Add vanilla-bean seeds and almond extract. With the mixer on medium
speed, slowly add remaining 3/4 cup sugar. Continue mixing until whites are
glossy and stiff peaks form.
4. Sift enough of the flour mixture over the egg white mixture
to lightly dust the top. Gently fold flour mixture into the egg white mixture.
Repeat process until all the flour is incorporated into the egg white mixture.
5. Gently spoon batter into a 10-inch tube pan. With a spatula
or knife, using a circular motion, cut through the batter twice to eliminate
any large pockets of air. Smooth top to remove any large peaks.
6. Transfer to oven and bake until golden brown and a cake
tester inserted into the center comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. Invert pan
over a bottle (such as a 2-liter soda bottle or wine bottle) until completely
cooled, about 2 hours.
7. To serve, set upright, and using a butter knife or a long
spatula, loosen the cake from the sides of the pan. Invert onto a serving
plate. Slice using a serrated knife or an angel food cake cutter; serve
drizzled with bourbon creme anglaise, if desired.
Bourbon Creme Anglaise (Ms. Stewart)
Ingredients
·
2 cups whole milk
·
6 large egg yolks
·
1/4 cup sugar
·
Pinch of fine sea salt
·
1 tablespoon bourbon
Directions
1. Prepare an ice-water bath; set aside.
2. Place milk in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil over
medium heat. In a medium bowl, whisk together egg yolks, sugar, and salt until
thick and light. Slowly pour in half of the hot milk, while stirring
constantly. Slowly pour the egg mixture into the remaining milk mixture,
stirring constantly. Stir in bourbon.
3. Place saucepan over low heat and bring to a gentle simmer,
stirring constantly. Continue cooking until mixture is thick enough to coat the
back of a spoon and reaches 180 degrees on an instant-read thermometer. Remove
from heat.
4. Strain creme anglaise through a fine mesh sieve set over a
medium bowl. Set bowl in ice water bath and stir creme anglaise until cooled.
Keep refrigerated until ready to use, up to 1 day.