Curds, Turds and Herds...
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The sun has started to set just a little earlier. A few trees in the hood are starting to turn and the smell of B.O. and grilling is wafting in from the East.
Must be state fair time.
Being from the tiny fishing village of Duluth (been on Lake Superior like twice in my life by the way) we did not venture down to the fair much.
One time. And I didn't like it. I just remember mud.
Years later when I moved to Minneapolis from the bustling metropolis of Burlington VT (whose state fair could fit in any cul-de-sac in the suburbs and I spent hours listening to a knife demo only to walk out with a free paring knife) I tried the Minnesota State Fair again with my cousin and her husband. Again. Not so crazy. Lots of people. Food that wasn't high on my TO DO list. And mud.
Another few years pass and I found myself going to the fair again. I went for reasons that I am not going to bore you with. And there was a different kind of mud.
Instead I am going to regale you with the KICK ASS time I had at the fair this year.
This years adventure begins on a bus in a suburb with a retail deathstar known to many as the Mall of America. SAGL and I picked up our friend iMatt (get it? he works with computers. And if you poke him he's more fun than Siri trying to understand anyone with an accent) and headed to the bus.
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| Where's the fair!?! |
My response, "eat till we get the trots!".
And with that we started our sojourn into food heaven. Be warned should you venture to "food heaven" on a similar day like ours (sunny and warm) that there is far more stranger skin on skin contact than I would like in one day. Like sticky peel yourself away from the daisy duked woman next to you like velcro in a kindergarten class. And I know they have themed days. This day might have been matching fanny pack day. Because the fanny pack sweat was raging like The Mighty Miss. So practical. Yet so hard to reaccept after abandoning in the 80's.
On to the food before you move on...
First -
Poutine - a Canadian treat of french fries, cheese curds and gravy. Not the slang term for a woman's...like I thought when SAGL said, "let's eat some Poutine!".
Second -
Pork Chop on a Stick - iMatt ran and I mean ran like a fanny pack out of Marshall's to get a Pork Chop on a Stick
Third -
Papa Pup - or my annual nitrate induced coma wrapped in proto goodness. And P.S. Some woman (wearing a VOTE NO badge) uttered, "oh gross" as she passed by while my paparazzi caught this pic. Whateves..gotta get in my tummy someway or another.
Fourth -
Spaghetti Eddie's Pepperoni Stick - Just look at it! It's bound to be a good ride right?!?! Pepperoni, cheese, deep fried, and showered in more cheese. Still no trots...
Fifth -
Deep Fried Pickles - When Sister heard that we were going she said, "have some pickles for me!". We had them. We had them real hard.
Sixth - Can you believe there is a SIXTH?!?
Cheese Curds - because it's required. That's why.
Seventh -
Gyros - All three of us decided that we needed something substantial to eat. Like the previous six delicacies were just appetizers
Eight -
Pizza - please see above about substantial.
Ninth -
Chocolate Malt - I'm not showing you malt pic. Instead I am showing you absolute amazingness that is the Dairy Building. Remember when I said, "have hope and add more butter"? Well they added the butter here...
Tenth - Holy Figgin' Buddah we ate 10 things...
Cheese on a stick - SAGL insisted that we walk across the entire length of what I am sure is equivalent to our front yard but felt like The Great Wall of China just to get a stick of cheese covered in batter and fried. And by the way...my stomach was so distended at this point it budged its way to the front of the line about 10 minutes before we actually arrived at the booth.
STILL NO TROTS!
Eleveth -
Deep Fried Candy Bars (hellz yes that's plural!) - iMatt wanted to make sure I orally orgasmed before leaving (kinda vulgar but so were the fanny packs). And knowing my 'betis had yet to set in he took me to Valhalla.
Oh Crap. Oh Crap. Still no trots.
And here is the bacon...
Twelfth -
Bacon on a stick. Pretty simple. Pretty damn good.
Okay now non food related mind freak outs at the fair...
Did you know the 4H kids put on a show? Because I didn't and it was like Glee on meth. Both entertaining and wrong at the same time. I applaud those farm kids for getting up there in the stank of the heat and tapping their way into the hearts of all the relatives watching them in the audience.
Also, should you find yourself in the Creative Arts building you will find the most looked over piece of kitchen mastery ever. Dear friend and legal consult, Lawyer, is representin' her Danish roots with a Kransekage cake. Some q-Tip'd grannie beat her out this year. She was robbed. And we will come back with a vengeance next year. Lawyer's grandmother is already planning her attack.
Children whose parents obviously let them get dipped in the cotton candy machine. Would love to hear the audio of that bath time later.
And are you seeing the people? Hot sticky fun...
Happy Fairing this year folks!
Trot free in 2012!
Poutine - a Canadian treat of french fries, cheese curds and gravy. Not the slang term for a woman's...like I thought when SAGL said, "let's eat some Poutine!".
 |
| Poutine |
Second -
Pork Chop on a Stick - iMatt ran and I mean ran like a fanny pack out of Marshall's to get a Pork Chop on a Stick
Third -
Papa Pup - or my annual nitrate induced coma wrapped in proto goodness. And P.S. Some woman (wearing a VOTE NO badge) uttered, "oh gross" as she passed by while my paparazzi caught this pic. Whateves..gotta get in my tummy someway or another.
 |
| Gross my a$$...like she didn't have a pronto pup that day |
Fourth -
Spaghetti Eddie's Pepperoni Stick - Just look at it! It's bound to be a good ride right?!?! Pepperoni, cheese, deep fried, and showered in more cheese. Still no trots...
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| Team. Work. |
Fifth -
Deep Fried Pickles - When Sister heard that we were going she said, "have some pickles for me!". We had them. We had them real hard.
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| Mmmmm |
 |
| going... |
 |
| going... |
 |
| going... |
 |
| dear god finish it... |
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| HOT! |
Sixth - Can you believe there is a SIXTH?!?
Cheese Curds - because it's required. That's why.
Seventh -
Gyros - All three of us decided that we needed something substantial to eat. Like the previous six delicacies were just appetizers
Eight -
Pizza - please see above about substantial.
Ninth -
Chocolate Malt - I'm not showing you malt pic. Instead I am showing you absolute amazingness that is the Dairy Building. Remember when I said, "have hope and add more butter"? Well they added the butter here...
 |
| Tiara'd butter bitches... |
 |
| Does your landlord kick ass? I don't think so... |
Tenth - Holy Figgin' Buddah we ate 10 things...
Cheese on a stick - SAGL insisted that we walk across the entire length of what I am sure is equivalent to our front yard but felt like The Great Wall of China just to get a stick of cheese covered in batter and fried. And by the way...my stomach was so distended at this point it budged its way to the front of the line about 10 minutes before we actually arrived at the booth.
 |
| So happy for his cheese stick...mmmm |
STILL NO TROTS!
Eleveth -
Deep Fried Candy Bars (hellz yes that's plural!) - iMatt wanted to make sure I orally orgasmed before leaving (kinda vulgar but so were the fanny packs). And knowing my 'betis had yet to set in he took me to Valhalla.
 |
| Nut Goodie |
 |
| Reeses |
 |
| Kisses |
Oh Crap. Oh Crap. Still no trots.
And here is the bacon...
Twelfth -
Bacon on a stick. Pretty simple. Pretty damn good.
 |
| Miss Piggy? |
Okay now non food related mind freak outs at the fair...
Did you know the 4H kids put on a show? Because I didn't and it was like Glee on meth. Both entertaining and wrong at the same time. I applaud those farm kids for getting up there in the stank of the heat and tapping their way into the hearts of all the relatives watching them in the audience.
 |
| I smell a success |
Also, should you find yourself in the Creative Arts building you will find the most looked over piece of kitchen mastery ever. Dear friend and legal consult, Lawyer, is representin' her Danish roots with a Kransekage cake. Some q-Tip'd grannie beat her out this year. She was robbed. And we will come back with a vengeance next year. Lawyer's grandmother is already planning her attack.
 |
| Baker's be schooled next year...watch out! |
 |
| Super pretty girl in skirt making Katy Perry Wanna Be feel okay about her hair did |
And are you seeing the people? Hot sticky fun...
Happy Fairing this year folks!
Trot free in 2012!