Resolutions, Restaurants and Relishing (a young) Vincent D'Onofrio

Check out Vincent on his boat. I'd mop that poop deck.

Aaaaannnnd...super cute pix from Fat Lorenzo's. 

If you are in my inner circle of friends (or within earshot of me…anywhere) you will know that last year myself and SAGL took on the New Year’s resolution to drink one bottle of wine a week. Many say this is nothing. That one bottle a night would be a real challenge. However, we chose to pace ourselves. Before long we figured out that we were far ahead our goal and thankfully summer came along and slowed us down. Long story short we finished off with 62ish bottles. Some good and some bad.

And another life goal to check off the list.

This New Year's SAGL came up with the house resolution that we attempt to find a new restaurant once a month to try. The only stipulation being that neither of us had been there before.

So on a balmy winter night in January we found ourselves at the first of our 12 food adventures of 2014.

At the suggestion of my Jew Sister from Another Mother we ended up at Fat Lorenzo’s in South Minneapolis.

This place is the love child of Mystic Pizza and Olive Garden. Walls covered in murals of Basquiat looking cherubs drinking wine overlooking shelves lined with an endless supply of #10 cans of tomatoes make this the Mystic Pizza half of the love child. The massive Andre The Giant sized meals are the O.G. half of the love child.

I’m talking appetizer plus entree (and only half an entree at that) plus dessert plus a fancy root beer and I’m worried to lie on my back (which is a first). The place was busy with a constant stream of to go orders and locals waiting to get a table. After chalking our name on the wall mounted list we waited a measly 15 minutes for a booth.

Slightly overwhelmed with beer selection I opted for a fancy root beer and settled on the following for dinner.

The menu for the evening:

Traditional Meat Stromboli – pretty damn good. Large enough to feed a small family or two friends bulking up for the next wave of ball numbing cold weather.

Garlic Chicken Alfredo – I probably should have crushed up some Lipitor and sprinkled it on top of the mountain of noodles bathed in enough cream to churn your own butter. And that is not a euphemism for anything.

Dulce De Leche Gelato – oh my god it comes with a little shovel. I shit you not. A little teeny tiny shovel to shovel it into your pie hole. I need to try all the other flavors before I judge openly. Mind you I wouldn’t think twice of eating a pint of it naked in front of the icebox at 3 am (everybody looks good in the light of a Frigidaire when nobody else is around to see it).

Should you try Fat Lorenzo's? I say give it a go – worst case you get a little bloated.

On a side note I decided to pop in Mystic Pizza while typing this out. Can we talk about how slutty those Arujo girls are? I mean if I lived in Mystic I would totally bang the visiting professor or the drop out lawyer whose brother just happens to be a young Matt Damon. But it’s hard to believe that just one year later Miss Roberts would be playing the critically acclaimed Shelby in Steel Magnolias.

And don’t even get me started about Vincent D’Onofrio in his tighty whities! Oh damn I mean between that kitchen scene in Mystic Pizza and his gun show in Adventures in Babysitting the 80’s were golden.

Okay I am out. I have to roll to the other side of the bed so I don’t Fat Lorenzo myself while I sleep.