Sausage Balls

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Things I Learned This Week I Living In The South: 

1. There is a transgendered black cat on the other side of town who was born Raj, but after a series of some cat related infections and a quick surgery, now goes by Rajine (rah-gene). 

2. The addition of mayonnaise to mashed potatoes is not as odd as it sounds. And is pretty damn good. 

3. Though no snow is on the ground you can still enjoy a Christmas parade as long as the cinnamon whiskey is flowing, the pom pom winter hat is on head, and a man dressed as a giant piece of toast is wandering the streets.  

This past week I have heard the term 'sausage balls' no less than a dozen times. Apparently the holiday season does not begin until the whole of North Carolina has their hands (and mouths) on some balls.  Naturally I had to get in on this. 

Sausage Balls

RECIPE INSPIRED BY BETTY CROCKER

ingredients

3 cups Original Bisquick Mix

1 pound uncooked bulk pork sausage

4 cups shredded Sharp Cheddar cheese (16 ounces)

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1/2 cup milk

1/2 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary leaves

1 1/2 teaspoons herbs de provence

instructions

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Line baking sheet with parchment paper. Set aside.

2. In large bowl, mix together all ingredients using hands or spoon. Shape mixture into 1-inch balls. Place on baking sheet.

3. Working in batches, bake 20 to 25 minutes or until brown. Immediately remove from pan. Serve warm.

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CLICK BELOW FOR SOME OTHER THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE LIVING IN THE SOUTH

HOT SAUCE IS LIFE BLOOD AND ROASTED CAULIFLOWER

PANTIES AS CAB FARE AND TOMATO SANDWICHES

HAUNTED HOMES AND VINEGAR PIE

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Buffalo Turkey Open Faced Sandwich

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Buffalo Turkey Open Faced Sandwich

It has been two days since Thanksgiving. And after multiple trips to the treadmill, a few jaunts around downtown on foot, and the occasional visit to the bathroom I am starting to feel normal again. 

I know, I know. Eating that double wide slice of cheesecake just hours after the main event wasn't the "most smartest" thing to do. But damn I needed some emotional support as I binge watched my post-apocalyptic teen movies that night. Nothing says "being thankful" than watching a bunch of super pretty young adults try and set a new social standard while fighting off the bad guys in perfectly pressed couture.  

Which brings me to today. The Saturday after Thanksgiving. Normally I would be in the throes of creativity and despair trying to figure out how to use the remaining 10 pounds of turkey, metric ton of mashed potatoes, and the now self aware cranberry Blob like creature living on the top shelf of the ice box. 

But instead I was sent home with a (double wide) slice of cheesecake, a generous slice of Hummingbird Cake (see my post on that here), and about 1 pounds worth of white meat in a Panda Express To Go box. The hostess was able to buy 1000 of these to go boxes for $.50 at the flea market three years ago. That is not an exaggeration. 

And because I never seem to have anything worth shaking a stick at (or a desire to use my car to get to a grocery store) I fell back to the classic game of chance and used only what was in my larder. I suggest you do the same. It's amazing what one can make when pushed to the limits of laziness.  

Please note this is one of those recipes that has no exact amount. Add cautiously and then generously as you see fit. 

Buffalo Turkey Open Faced Sandwich

RECIPE INSPIRED BY LAZINESS (ME)

ingredients

2 slices Sourdough Bread

Dollop of Mayonnaise

Pulled Turkey (fully cooked leftovers)

Texas Pete Hot Sauce

Sour Cream

Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

Munster Cheese

Salt and Pepper

instructions

1. Bring a non stick saute pan to medium high heat. Apply a thin layer of mayonnaise to both sides of bread and toast in heated saute pan. Toast until browned, about 3 minutes on both sides. Remove from heat and set aside.

2. In small sauce pan place pulled turkey, a generous dollop of sour cream, a handful of shredded mozzarella, and hot sauce. Place over medium heat and bring to just below a simmer while stirring constantly.

3. Place toasted bread on baking sheet. Layer sour cream turkey mixture on top of bread and top off with thin slices of Muenster cheese.

4. Move oven rack to highest position and turn broiler on LOW. Place baking sheet with sandwich on top rack and broil until cheese melts, gets bubbly and just browning.

***Note 1. Texas Pete did not sponsor this. It is just my hot sauce of choice and is always in my swag bag. 

***Note 2. This recipe is not specific and hopefully can be used as inspiration for any of the ingredients left over from Thanksgiving. Don't like Sourdough? Use White or Wheat. Don't like Muenster Cheese? Use a nice sliced Mozzarella or Cheddar. Don't like open faced sandwiches as they openly mock everything that is SANDWICH? Put another slice on top. 

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NEED MORE REASON TO CLEAN OUT YOUR ICE BOX? CLICK BELOW!

CHOCOLATE CAKE AND 'MAN'OPAUSE

FRANKENSTEIN CAKE AND JOHN CANDY

ZUCCHINI OH SO MANY WAYS

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Hummingbird Cake

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It's Thanksgiving time again!

Earlier this holiday season I found myself at the crossroads of Do I or Don't I go 'home for the holidays'. On one hand I was mentally waxing nostalgic about past Thanksgivings at home over the river and through the woods. On the other hand I was thinking I do not have it in me to be away from my current home for upwards of 3+ weeks (when factoring in Christmas/Hanukkah/New Years). 

So to ponder my options I put in the holiday classic To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar starring the forever missed Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, John Leguizamo, and the most drag queen woman of them all Stockard Channing. How could I go wrong watching this epic of a travel/family story? This lead me down the online shame spiral of reading up on my previous Thanksgivings. I was able to pick my favorite. I won't disclose as to keep the infighting down to a minimum among my friends.  

It was around the time that Patrick Swayze's character, Vida Boheme, was kicking the ass of some abusive, drunk, country husband (while in heels and full makeup) I remembered my Thanksgiving Come To Jesus I had a few years back. My Thanksgiving tradition is change of venue! And this year I was again keeping with tradition. 

This afternoon I will be breaking bread with my hairdresser, her home goods haunted house loving mother, her doomsday prepper of a father, and any and all other cast of characters they have invited. 

To try and blend in with the natives I have decided to bring a Hummingbird Cake. Invented in Greensboro, North Carolina sometime last century I have been told it's a Southern classic. Imagine a giant banana bread cake covered in cream cheese frosting. Now that you have mouth orgasmed let's move on. 

Again with traditions...

To recap this Thanksgiving I am thankful for: 

1. The new friends who have embraced my dead heart and invited me into their homes for the holiday. 

2. The family who I know will always have a place for me when I decide to go home for Thanksgiving. 

3. Patrick Swayze and Stockard Channing teaching us that we are all drag queens.

4. And cream cheese. 

Hummingbird Cake

RECIPE ADAPTED FROM SOUTHERN LIVING

ingredients

1 cup chopped pecans

Vegetable cooking spray

Parchment paper

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

3 large eggs, lightly beaten

1 1/2 cups vegetable oil

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

3 cups chopped bananas (about 4 medium bananas)

1 (8-oz.) can crushed pineapple in juice

instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350°. Roughly chop pecans and gently roast in saute pan on medium heat until slightly browned.

2. Coat 3 (9-inch) round cake pans with cooking spray. Line bottom of each pan with parchment paper; coat paper with cooking spray.

3. Whisk together flour, sugar, ground cinnamon, salt, baking soda, and nutmeg in a large bowl. Add eggs, oil, and vanilla, and stir just until dry ingredients are moistened. Fold in bananas, pineapple, and 1/2 cup pecans. (Batter will be very thick, more like banana bread batter than cake batter.) Spoon batter into prepared pans.

4. Bake at 350° for 28 to 30 minutes. Cool in pans on a wire rack 10 minutes. Remove from pans to wire rack, and cool completely (about 30 minutes). Peel off and discard parchment paper.

5. Place 1 cake layer on a cake stand or serving plate. Top with one-fourth of frosting. Repeat procedure once. Top with remaining cake layer. Spread remaining frosting over top and sides of cake. Garnish with remaining pecans.

Cream Cheese Frosting

RECIPE FROM ME AND SOME OTHER FRIENDS

ingredients

2 lbs powdered sugar

2 sticks butter, room temperature

1 - 8oz package cream cheese, room temperature

1/2 cup shortening

1/3 cup heavy cream

1 tsp vanilla extract

instructions

1. In stand mixer or large bowl with hand mixer, mix butter, cream cheese, and shortening until all incorporated.

2. Working one cup at a time, mix in powdered sugar.

3. Add vanilla extract and cream. Mix until smooth.

*note - you may reduce or add more cream to change thickness of frosting.

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WANT TO WALK DOWN THANKSGIVINGS PAST? CHECK OUT MY SHENANIGANS BELOW!

FRIENDS THANKSGIVING AND THANKSGIVUKKAH

TWIN PEAKS, THANKSGIVING, AND TRADITION

AL ROKER AND MY NYC PENTHOUSE THANKSGIVING

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Roasted Acorn Squash with Fennel Sausage and Apples

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Roasted Acorn Squash with Fennel Sausage and Apples

It's been one of those weeks. 

Things I Learned This Week While Living In The South: 

1. Dusting off talking points from your youth to validate your fear of being persecuted based solely on your sexual preference or religious beliefs and explaining these to your more conservative Southern friends drives one to seek solace in failed fudge that is housed in your 3AM snack box (otherwise known as my refrigerator).  

2. While calmly examining suspicious moles you find a sense of great relief comes over you when you realize that it is not an oddly shaped mole. But it is in fact just a speck of the above mentioned fudge that has somehow managed to secure itself to your abdomen.   

3. There is a soon to be opened amazing burger place in downtown Winston Salem that due to friends of friends you were able secretly hang out in while binge eating nachos, drinking beers, and watching someone across the table act out "crack whore" in a new adult mash up of Pictionary and Charades. 

And because it is Fall and that requires Fall like foods I found myself this morning roasting squash and watching my stories on the tv.  

Roasted Acorn Squash with Fennel Sausage and Apples

ingredients

1 Acorn Squash

2 Apples of your choosing

1 Fennel Pork Sausage

Chinese Five Spice

Salt/Pepper To Taste

2 Tablespoons Olive Oil

Side note: Fennel Sausage was bought at my local grocery store - Lowes Foods. Find the amazing list of sausages available here. I used the No. 2 The Godfather for this recipe. It's a pork sausage seasoned with fennel, anise, salt and pepper. 

instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare small baking dish or sheet tray.

2. Remove casing of uncooked sausage. Break up sausage into smaller pieces and set aside. Peel, core, and dice apples. Set aside with sausages.

3. Bring medium sized non stick pan or cast iron skillet to medium high heat with 1 T of olive oil. Carefully place sausage and apple into pan. Sprinkle chinese five spice on top. Let sausage and apple brown while stirring occasionally for about 8 mins. Remove from heat and set aside.

4. Slice squash in half and remove seeds. Place squash halves on prepared baking dish or sheet. Brush inside of squash with olive oil. Season with salt and pepper.

5. Remove sausage/apple mixture from pan and fill squash halves with mixture. Place filled squash in oven. Cook until squash is cooked through and easily pierced with a fork. About 20 mins.

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FOR MORE FALL AND SOUTHERN THEMED FUN CHECK OUT THESE OTHER POSTS!

CARRIE BRADSHAW, CHARLIE BROWN, AND (PUMPKIN POUND) CAKE

SLOW COOKER APPLESAUCE AND SCARY MOVIES

WHITE GIRLS WITH PUMPKIN LATTES AND THE WALKING DEAD

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Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding

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It's Sunday morning in November. I'm in my underwear watching Hello Dolly on Netflix for the 1000th time since my 8th grade choir teacher gave me my first hit of broadway musical based movies (the gateway drug for so many young gay men), and binge eating a Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding I whipped up because one does not waste a donut. Plus once the donut is used in a capacity other than traditional donut consumption it becomes a legit meal. So eating 10 donuts in one sitting isn't bad because you really just ate a big meal. 

I had a very productive Saturday so this moment of Sunday Self Care doesn't riddle me with guilt. 

Yesterday I found myself traversing the North Carolina country side with two neighbors. First hitting a craft fair that was small at best but large enough the local sheriff had been commissioned to direct traffic in and out of the field turned parking lot. Naturally we ran into someone we know while perusing the monogramed coozies and holiday wreaths made of shell casings. Yes, you heard me. Shell casings. The more you know. 

We then found ourselves attempting to get a meal in a town housing the self proclaimed "World's Largest Chair". Oddly no establishments were taking credit or debit cards. Again you heard me, "establishments", plural. Multiple places were tried. So we move on back to our debit/credit accepting home of Winston-Salem.

WHERE WE HAD OUR TAROT CARDS READ!!!

For two years the neighbors and I have been threatening to get our cards read by the local readers down on main street. And yesterday was the day. 

In the back room of a crystal and incense laden boutique, behind a curtain and on a gold velvet settee we found ourselves listening intently as Cat, our reader de jour, gave insight to our spiritual sides. 

Not shockingly she had to stop mid reading of my cards because my hot mess of a life left conflicting messages within her cards. Thankfully she rallied, composed herself, and sent me on the way with direction for the future. 

Who needs a shrink when you have Cat?

Back to bread pudding and Babs.

Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding

Serves 10-12

ingredients

2 Tablespoons Butter; Room Temperature, for baking dish

10 Classic Krispy Kreme Donuts; after having sat out overnight

3 Cups Half-and-Half

4 Large Eggs

1/2 Cup Sugar

1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1/4 Teaspoon Kosher Salt

instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare glass baking dish by coating bottom and sides with butter.

2. Cut all donuts into 1-inch pieces and place in prepared baking dish. Set aside.

3. In medium mixing bowl combine Half-and-Half, eggs, sugar, vanilla extract, and salt. Stir until well combined and sugar has dissolved.

4. Carefully pour liquid mixture over cut up donuts.

5. Place baking dish in larger baking dish and add enough boiling water to reach halfway up side of smaller baking dish. Bake until custard is set 2 to 3 inches from edge but still trembles in the middle, about 50-55 minutes. Custard will continue to set as it cools. Best served warm. But also just as delicious, cold, directly out of the baking dish while binging on Netflix.

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FOR MORE SOUTHERN AND BREAKFAST SHENANIGANS CHECK THESE OUT!

SUPPER SLUTS DOES BRUNCH

PUPPY CHOW AND SOUTHERN LIVING

FRIED SWEET GRITS AND CUSSING

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